The Year They Stole Thanksgiving in Munster
Munster, IN Are Pigs the new Turkeys?
You will not believe this, but there is school principal who just doesn’t want to say “Happy Thanksgiving” during a time of the year when it is, well, Thanksgiving time. What’s even worse is the looming threat that turkey’s have fallen out of favor as the featured platter guest of choice and that HAM – yes, HAM –is quietly becoming the chosen, other white meat to commemorate the annual feast.
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I can say that I’m with the populists on this one when I say that I much prefer turkey to ham for Thanksgiving and if ever there were a reason to be afraid…to be very, very afraid, the time is now.
I am at SFO right now, live blogging, awaiting the next flight to Chicago to route out all the details. I even postponed my Writers Strike protest trip to LA this week to march with Victor de Jesus to investigate the principal’s suspicious dealings in the upscale, Midwestern town of Munster, Indiana.
What we know so far is that the threat alert has been elevated from pink to “RED” today after the principal has yet to announce “Happy Thanksgiving” on the kiosk of the Wilbur Wright Middle School, despite questions raised by concerned children and parents over the past 72 hours. In an email sent to the principal earlier this week, here is what one completely horrified parent had to say:
Dear Mr. Principal,
Perhaps the reason is as simple as “we ran out of letters.” If so, may I volunteer a check to cover the cost of additional letters? If not, may I then ask why it is that in announcing an important holiday such as “Thanksgiving” on the WWMS outdoor kiosk, absolutely no mention is given for the reason that there will be “No School” on the 22nd and the 23rd of November?We live in strange times. It is an era wherein the mention of “Christmas” or “Easter” becomes an offensive provocation.
My intention is not to annoy, but to bring just a small, innocent sense of joy to our busy lives. If I see “NO SCHOOL” on the kiosk in the mornings, I feel nothing. If I see “Have a Happy Thanksgiving” I feel, if only for a moment, uplifted.
Right now in the town of Munster, we don’t know what the outcome of this unprecedented, flagrant act of oppression and bondage will bring but one thing we can be sure of is that “Happy Thanksgiving” enthusiasts all across the country don’t want to be greeted with “No School” when they show up to grandmother’s place with a vintage Riesling and a stollen in hand.
See, watch this: if during this season I say “No School Everybody” , it’s not the same thing. So
Happy Thanksgiving Everybody,