Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Corporate Pork: Who You Gonna Call?

FROM THE DESK OF QUINCY
“When there’s something weird, and it don’t look good—who you gonna call? PORK BUSTERS!”


Why I Hate Corporate Pork



Corporate pork has gotten corny.


Everybody in the ethanol investment community must be raving about how much corporate pork is so great when it’s really way, way overrated. Not only is corporate pork a tad gamey, but when it comes to corn ethanol, oh boy, corporate pork produces a distinctly bovine, gaseous effect on millions of taxpayers who get stuck paying for tax subsidies courtesy a few corn schucksters.


Instead of just sticking to EATING the corn, some sweet soil venture capitalist backed start-ups with very hefty wallets and even more ample derrieres want to feed cars the gasohol they make out of corn and then make billions of dollars off the IPO’s of these start ups. Hmph. As an amateur gardener myself, I’m all for companion planting. Yesterday, I planted corn and beans along side each other but have zero intention of then feeding them to my car upon harvest for some shortsighted money making scheme in order to fatten up my wallet. Plus, I would never expect other people to actually pay me for routing around my yard in an iffy search for truffles just so I could afford to take the Maltese Falcon off of the dashing Tom Perkins' hands or to hire Beyonce to sing at my cousin’s coming out party next month.


I’m not prejudiced or anything. I have no actual beef against bloated carnivores like some overstuffed venture capitalists with bushel baskets of cash to throw around at a few dirt farmers in Iowa, since I believe that everybody is entitled to their own personal menu choices and budgets. What goes down the piehole and out the bumbershoot ain’t nobody’s business but my own, as Billy Holliday sang – until the taxpayers have to pay for it instead of those corporations bootstrapping their own businesses.


Sure, I’d rather see these corpulent venture capitalists stick to a vegan diet (not only do your clothes fit better but you smell better, too) but I do strongly suggest they quit feeding cars the food that the rest of us are supposed to be eating because that’s just, well, plain stupid plus it ruins the topsoil so nothing can grow on those farms for a long, long time. I wonder what Al Franken thinks about these corn schuckters...


But something is rotten in Des Moines when Archer Daniels Midland and over 70 other ethanol producers are using “big money to ingratiate themselves and protect the ethanol subsidy," according to the lady at Common Cause, President Ann McBride. Did you know that Archer Daniels Midland Co. is the largest beneficiary of a tax subsidy on this corn-based extract, ethanol? ADM entities contributed millions of dollars in PAC and "soft" money to these current members of Congress like Dick Durbin, tom Harkin, Kent Conrad, Tom Daschle, Byron Dorgan, Chuck Grassley, Dick Gephardt, Carol Mosley Braun, Tom Ewing and Bob Kerrry (to name a few.)


Anyway, a few people are plumping up their wallets by keeping the precious food out of our mouths so that a few gas tanks can get high off the fumes. Oh swell. There is even a lobby in Washington, D.C. called the Renewable Fuels Association that represents a partial list of over 70 ethanol producers who are trying to get the taxpayers to pay for the woeful misuse of the corn and destruction of the land. Other flies in the ointment trying to stick it to all of the unsuspecting taxpayers are Agriculture Secretary Dan Glickman and John McClelland of the Corn Growers Association.

“I AIN’T AFRAID OF NO PORK!”

-QUINCY

4 comments:

Citizen Carrie said...

Quincy, I'm glad 2Truthy called in an expert to talk about this subject. Call me an old-fashioned idealist, but I don't sense the VC's have any passion about their ethanol projects. They just sense an opportunity to make money off of government handouts.

QUINCY said...

Like my uncle Vito used to say,

"From birth to bacon, corporate swine are different from you and me. A different beast, entirely, who would skewer their own mothers on an open, slow-roasting spit before offering the average passel of hogs a kilo of barley."

BF said...

Nice job, old chop. Once again, your bacon has been spared.

The corn bumper crop Iowa farmers had expected was quashed by floods. It looks as though we're down to eating tofu burgers.

ScarlettBoggs said...

"This chick is toast!" Haha, I love it Quincy. Let me know when you need a few extra bodies to vacation around the steps of the Renewables lobby when you go bust 'em.