(Special thanks to Jeff Beck)
Sarah Palin Resigns as AK Governor After Steamy Affair With Bull Moose Arms Dealer
For Immediate Release
Wasilla, AK – Former GOP vice presidential loser Sarah “I Got's the Glossy Sexy” Palin has announced today that she is resigning from her post as Governor of Alaska.
No explanation was given for the sudden withdrawal, although one unconfirmed, anonymous eyewitness reveals hanky-panky with a twenty-something local caribou shooting gallery owner may have played a sizeable role in the former governor's shocking decision. No surprise here – as the the Palin family alone has shouldered its share of fertile sex fodder including at least one scandalous, pregnant, unwed teenage daughter and the birth of an infant viciously rumoured to belong to said teenager.
But Sarah is weathering the storm, earning the esteemed moniker “Patron Saint of Tractor Pulling Mofos” and confounding the critics – such as yours truly – as pundits predict Palin's resignation is an attempt to redefine what “lacking in experience and knowledge” really means to, say, the average redneck looking for cheap deals on tires for their homes who get down on their hands and knees regularly and wail “Praise the Lord” inside the nation's most hallowed, run-down church (known to those in-the-know as “the Wal-Mart parking lot”) before commiting all kinds of patriotic, unspeakable acts of sin, vice and debauchery.
Others, however, dismiss Palin's resignation as nothing more than a horribly unremarkable, thoroughly boring attempt to belly up to the bar for a 2012 presidential run on the “Crackers n' Company” (that's slang for the sinking “GOP”) ticket. Hahahaha, take that, Jeb Bush!