Friday, July 3, 2009

Pundits on Palin's Resignation: Sarah Palin Resigns

(Special thanks to Jeff Beck)

Sarah Palin Resigns as AK Governor After Steamy Affair With Bull Moose Arms Dealer

For Immediate Release

Wasilla, AK – Former GOP vice presidential loser Sarah “I Got's the Glossy Sexy” Palin has announced today that she is resigning from her post as Governor of Alaska.

No explanation was given for the sudden withdrawal, although one unconfirmed, anonymous eyewitness reveals hanky-panky with a twenty-something local caribou shooting gallery owner may have played a sizeable role in the former governor's shocking decision. No surprise here – as the the Palin family alone has shouldered its share of fertile sex fodder including at least one scandalous, pregnant, unwed teenage daughter and the birth of an infant viciously rumoured to belong to said teenager.

But Sarah is weathering the storm, earning the esteemed moniker “Patron Saint of Tractor Pulling Mofos” and confounding the critics – such as yours truly – as pundits predict Palin's resignation is an attempt to redefine what “lacking in experience and knowledge” really means to, say, the average redneck looking for cheap deals on tires for their homes who get down on their hands and knees regularly and wail “Praise the Lord” inside the nation's most hallowed, run-down church (known to those in-the-know as “the Wal-Mart parking lot”) before commiting all kinds of patriotic, unspeakable acts of sin, vice and debauchery.

Others, however, dismiss Palin's resignation as nothing more than a horribly unremarkable, thoroughly boring attempt to belly up to the bar for a 2012 presidential run on the “Crackers n' Company” (that's slang for the sinking “GOP”) ticket. Hahahaha, take that, Jeb Bush!

-2Truthy


6 comments:

thetownliar said...

First Humor Czarette, Tootruthy!

Anonymous said...

"as pundits predict Palin's resignation is an attempt to redefine what “lacking in experience and knowledge” really means to, say, the average redneck looking for cheap deals on tires for their homes...."

That explains everything!

2Truthy said...

Why did she choose to announce her resignation over the 4th Holiday and forego a full news cycle had she waited until Monday?

Most think she's planning a 2012 run, and that could be. But there are other potential reasons floating around, like if somebody doesn't have a DNA swab on Trig's parental status, embezzlement or the hoplessly unconfirmed Bull Moose arms dealer;)

theusualdupes said...

She'll have to outdo Sanford with some extreme hookers and blow story if she really wants to take a serious shot at teh GOP ticket in 2012.

2Truthy said...

Haha theusualdupes,

NEWSFLASH: The Apocalypse is here!

End of Slimes

Anonymous said...

http://shannynmoore.wordpress.com/2009/07/05/shannyn-moore-will-not-be-muzzled/#comments

She resigned so she could incite the internets and sue them all......................................Beats speaking fees.