“Go Live in Your Mother's Basement!”
-Pope Benedict XVI
Hellatious Heist Rocks Chicago North Side Parish
Chicago, IL – Roman Catholic clergy and parishioners across the Windy City have an unusually chaotic and embarrassing public relations problem on their hands.
Today, the Chicago Tribune reports this bizarre revelation that a Roman Catholic priest pleaded GUILTY not to molestation charges as it is accustomed, but to stealing more than $12,000 from his former North Side parish! In addition to being banished from his former parish, the disgraced priest received a 4 year probation sentence for the theft and is reported to be living with family members in an undisclosed location – most arguably the worst of all punishments.
This latest stain on the Church Roman Catholic prompted a comment from one high-ranking Italian VATICAN CITY official who wished to remain anonymous:
“Amidst this radical deviation from the norm and other bizarre scandals plaguing the Church, I am fairly certain that the accused priest's admission to guilt in this theft is not what Pope Benedict XVI meant with his recent letter CARITAS IN VERITATE.”