Friday, August 14, 2009

Obama "Live" From Montana Town Hall

Barack Obama: The "Illinois Enema Bandit"

Bozeman, Montana -- No, he's not in Montana to investigate how to become a "dental floss tycoon..." Today's LWOH Happy Friday special edition features an exciting play-by-play from President Obama's town hall in a suburb of Bozeman.

Is he there to ask Max Baucus to step down?

As yours truly reported reported here last year, President Obama is one hell of a smooth speaker. (Now, if only someone would subtitiute the words "Single Payer" instead of "Public Reform" on his teleprompter...)

Not only is he a left hander like yours truly, but Barack Obama is undeniably an amazing orator. He is so smooth and convincing in his delivery that his speech writers could have him say ANYTHING and the masses would go right along with him. Don’t believe me? Try this: Let’s close our eyes and imagine Barry’s mesmerizing voice giving the following convincing, thought provoking speech:


“As a youth, growing up half-black and half-white on the dangerous streets of an exotic Hawaiian island, my highly-leveraged, white grandma gave me an enema. (Pause. Voice lowers.) We do the American people — and the enema manufacturers — no favors when we turn a blind eye to the excessive and dangerous risks of ALL enemas because "pain trickles up." As president, I will make it my first priority to ban the use of all enemas nationwide and to form a committee to round up all of those college educated hookers and undercover cops who are taking down the nation’s best connected governors, former presidents and gay senators. In Illinois, the police will say “you’re under arrest” if you tell hooker jokes but I say (in thunderous voice like Pastor Wright) “Hi Ho Silver, while the Glass Steagall Act was repealed in 1999 -- the $300 million lobbying effort that drove deregulation of all kinds of sh*t --- was MORE about facilitating mergers than creating an efficient enema regulatory framework and my opponent’s husband signed that repeal!” (Cheers and loud applause.)

Happy Friday, Loserettes!

-2Truthy

2 comments:

BuelahMan said...

Hey 2Truthy,

I love me some Zappa and the song is perfectly fitting for the guy you highlighted.

I would make one clarification from my opinion, Barack Obama is no "lefty". He is simply an appeaser to the wealthy.

There are few real "lefties" out here, anymore.

2Truthy said...

You are SO right about few 'lefties' around these days, B'Man! Zappa was the master.

I mean "lefty" as in Barry and I are left-handed.