Tuesday, September 1, 2009

The Gay Swami Times: Can't Nobody Do Me Like Jesus

-The Gay Swami as a Youth, Old Colonial Calcutta circa 1892-
(click on graphic to enlarge)

-The Gay Swami Photographed at the Luxor, Las Vegas, NV circa 2009-
(click on graphic to enlarge)

Can't Nobody Do Me Like Jesus!

Welcome back to the Gay Swami Times Vol. 1 Issue 8. (Ignore the cover typo above which reads Vol. 8 Issue 1 – outsourced graphic artist “Brad” in Pune says he's “dyslexic” and will fix it after we give him a raise.) Click here for previous issues.

In this exciting historical edition, we explore India's majestic rise from pre-cell phone civilization to the promise of globalization's here and now, as we pay tribute to three tantalizing and victorious Hindi tales of conquest over America and its visionary aftermath.

Our cover story exclusive begins with first praising the devotional man-crushing work of the Lord of Beginnings and Lord of Obstacles, Bill Gates. If not for flexible brothers like Bill “the Fib” Gates, our missionary work of stealing white collar jobs from American workers with “legalized” visa programs, HAHAHA! - would not be possible. Our lowest bid man-crushes in high places continue to serve the deity. Without the help of U.S. politicians who have bent over backwards for us at every turn, we'd still be driving used Pontiacs and answering phones in the middle of the night for http://www.easybillindia.com.

Our second juicy story is really, really BIG, as we kneel down in celestial excitement over the best-known and most widely worshiped deities in the Hindu Pantheon, Steven “E.T. Phone Bhopal” Spielberg, for his inspirational submission to India’s Reliance ADA Group, the Indian conglomerate - who breathed life back into Spielberg’s dormant DreamWorks Studios. HAHAHAHA! The former Hollywood kingpin is ours, now!

Soon, drrrrrrrreamy Steven can start directing the Jimmy Stewart classic “Hyderabad Harvey” as he will cast around for rabbits in our beloved Bangalore! (Rumor has it that Tom Hanks “turned down” the role, HAHAHAHAHA!)

Finally, we shall continue to sing glorious praises to the Pope in this Blowin' in the Wind story that details how globalization is hurting workers. We must fervently pray for him to stop hinting to the world about our little job stealing secret while we amass our rupees by siphoning American pockets.

Ohmmmmmmmmmm...They call it brain drain but it is really pocket drain!!!

The blabbermouth Pope with all of those nice, Versace dresses squeals about "the damaging effects on the real economy of badly managed and largely speculative financial dealing, large-scale migration of peoples (and) the unregulated exploitation of the earth's resources" which we must overcome.

We must continue to beat the Pope about the head and shoulders into the submissive old-lady he is by continuing to buy our political, corporate, and entertainment tools in high places.

His Most Sacred, Gucci-clad Excellency also made an ominous, shocking statement against our heavenly exploitation gains on this race to the bottom here:

It is true that the export of investments and skills can benefit the populations of the receiving country…Yet it is not right to export these things merely for the sake of obtaining advantageous conditions, or worse, for purposes of exploitation...”

Vishnu will do Jesus like Rama did Sita!


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