For Immediate Release
CAIRO – After spending the past week in Mexico City in an attempt to route out the Swine Flu “pandemic” perpetrators and explain why the Swine Flu epidemic seems to be much worse in Mexico, Quincy’s plans to return home for a debriefing to California were sidelined after being ambushed and taken hostage by roving Mexican gang members who captured him Wednesday while leaving the Courtyard Marriot’s pool after a late night swim. State Department officials last week tapped the stealth, porcine investigative journalist renown for his high profile reconnaissance missions (See Gay Bomb: Quincy Reports from Baghdad) to infiltrate the Mexican city and determine the exact source of the disease and to rule out that it was Hillary or Obama who brought traces of the deadly disease with them on their visit with President Calderon over the past month.
According to one eye witness, hotel recreation staffer, “Felipe”, Quincy was minding his own business while doing tequila shots in the spa with a few other guests prior to jumping into the pool where he took a quick swim. Upon exiting, he was accosted by a loud and rowdy entourage, wielding guns and “grotesque” tattoos who marched Quincy out the side gate through the parking lot, shoving him into an unmarked SUV. Fearing for his safety, Quincy persuaded the kidnappers to offer himself up for ransom, coaxing the gang to go along with his ingenious plan:
“ Look, muchachas, you’re not really vicious killers. Just like those Somalian pirates, what you actually want is money. So here’s the deal: you call up President Calderon and tell him that you have captured THE PIG responsible for creating and spreading the Swine Flu all over Mexico City. Say to the President: “We’ve got the Pig…If you want to see him alive and become an overnight hero and media star to the Aztec gods, meet us in the alley behind the Courtyard Marriott at sunset with a bag stuffed with 12 trillion pesos and make sure you come alone. No Blackwater detail. You got that?”
The following afternoon, Quincy was successfully rescued by a Mexican SWAT Team and the brazen gang members were taken into custody. Although no official report has been filed, Quincy did provide preliminary details about the suspicious details surrounding the Swine Flu “pandemic”:
“What pandemic? Conflicting reports have the dead numbered anywhere from two to 150, although even these numbers differ based upon who you talk to. Some even say it’s a money making scheme."
Less than 24 hours later, the Swine Flu alert turned into mass swinocide in Cairo, Egypt, and Quincy was met outside Mexico City limits in a dusty airfield by none other than private jet pilot and neighbor, Mr. Crisp, who whisked him off to Cairo to confront the most horrible genocide of the 21st century. Amidst overflowing bags of garbage, Quincy interviewd local resident, Abu Sayed, who raises pigs, chickens, ducks, pigeons and goats on a small muddy plot of land in order to feed and clothe the extended family of 14 with whom he shares a blackened makeshift shack. (Read the article in full for the horrific details.)
Since he doesn’t own a radio or a TV, Sayed was then informed that the Egyptian government decreed on Wednesday that his pigs, along with all 300,000 pigs in the country, had to be slaughtered as a precaution against the spread swine flu; despite the fact that no cases of the H1N1 swine flu virus have been reported here and it is spread by people, not pigs.
A visibly shaken and upset but stoic Quincy wrapped with the expression “People Kill Pigs, Pigs don’t Kill People” and later had this to say:
“Things are not exactly all swine and roses over here, and the wholesale slaughter of innocent Pigs is a tragedy of the highest conceivable order. These backwards monsters in Cairo are murderers and everybody, from Sayed's diabetic mother who will not be able to afford her eye treatments because their family has to kill all the Pigs are needlessly suffering. Where is our President to intervene in Cairo to stop all the killing?”