4th of July Barbecue with Quincy, the Islamic Swine

FROM THE DESK OF QUINCY

Happy 4th of July, Everybody!

As you know, I’m a big fan of parades but I’ve decided to forgo the local 4th of July parade today and instead hold my very first annual Halal barnyard barbecue. This is my very first 4th of July barbecue since my conversion to Islam. Everybody’s invited! Here’s the formal invitation:

Halal Barbecue at the Home of Quincy, the Islamic Swine
-All Infidels are Welcome-

Quincy is the highest profile convert to Islam since Cat Stevens.
Join us for Quincy’s First Annual 4th of July Celebration
Casual attire limited to burquas or speedo swim wear and don’t forget to bring a dish and remember to veto the pork and leave the liquor in your vehicles.

Everybody is asking “Why, Quincy, why? You weren’t born a Muslim and switching religions isn’t like changing TV channels or shopping for new shoes” and things like that.

The prohibition on eating pork played a significant role in my decision to accept the stealth mission to Baghdad last year, where I successfully sniffed out the gay bomb and delivered the dirt on General Petraeus. After being escorted by members of a well-known private security firm into the Green Zone, I wandered freely around Baghdad wearing a burqa and that’s when I seriously considered converting to Islam. After all, any internet hack will tell you there is safety in numbers…

Maybe another reason for my conversion is that I have developed a fondness for Mediterranean food and am receiving deep discounts from a local Turkish grocer for anything I want along with a great hashish connection. Anyway, three cheers for the Red, White and Blue!

Stars and Stripes Forever!

-QUINCY