2Truthy's Happy Friday "This Note's for You" Greeting

Happy Friday, Loserettes!

Turn up the volume and salute the one and only so awesome Mr. Weird!

To my friends old and new and to my special PR peeps in D.C. -- drop a line, keep in touch and remember, this note’s for you!

Cheers,

-2Truthy

Isolated Tribe Spotted in Brazilian Rain Forest

but wait...

Isolated Tribe Spotted in Brazilian Rain Forest Apparently Voting for Obama

(Photo credits Mel Toast )

BBC News One of South America's few remaining indigenous tribes has been spotted and photographed on the border between Brazil and Peru.


Just like at home in the U.S., where the otherwise indistinguishable tribe of Democrats just can’t seem to decide between Barry or Hillz and it’s tearing up ancient, cherished traditions!


According to Stephen Corry, director of The group Survival International which supports tribal people around the world, such tribes would "soon be made extinct" if their land was not protected. More than half the world's 100 remaining tribes live in Brazil or Peru. For anyone wondering why the Brazilian Rain Forest is being logged to smithereens to grow sugar cane and raise beef for an exponentially growing global population, one need look no further than to the short-sighted, highly profiteering minds of a few enterprising politicians enabled by their wealthy enterprising business pals in the new dot.com bubble, ethanol.


Can the Amazon be exploited without being destroyed? “Bloody Hell!” shouts one Prince of England, Prince Charles. In an interview with the BBC, he correctly asserts

“The world could not wait for new technologies to provide the answer to climate change” and that “halting the destruction of forests was the single most effective method of cutting so-called greenhouse gases.”

-2Truthy

Larry Craig's New Book: "Senate Seat or Toilet Seat"

Alleged Size 13 Loafer

A Larry Craig Dr. Seussian Tribute Goes Like This: "Better to have just Gone in for a Piss."

"Senate Seat or Toilet Seat

I cannot decide;

I am not gay

Oh no. No way."

Certainly, no one can accuse the Republicans of 'not having their shit together' when it comes to amassing a voting bloc of hypocrites—especially anti-gay gay, repressed voters and elected officials. Who can forget Senator Larry Craig's MSP airport bathroom bust for allegedly placing his size 13 loafer into the next bathroom stall? Click Larry Craig To Claim Sting Arrest UNCONSTISHOESONAL.

Now the official Larry Craig Bathroom Sting Manifesto is about to be released. Senator Craig told a local new screw (mistake – that’s news crew) “he doesn't consider the book an autobiography” and that “it would be a lens through which to look at a dysfunctional Congress.” So we decided to take a trip down memory lane and provide LWOH readers an exclusive Larry Craig revisited bathroom refresher from our official Larry Craig Chronicles that captured all the blow by blow details that brought down the Senator -- especially now since the race for Craig's Senate Seat tops the ticket in Idaho’s general election.

First, make sure to turn up the volume (click link here) and sing along to “In the Senate” (lyrics below.) After your done, don’t worry, because yours truly has provided some extra special and spooky, late night poetry reading for your entertainment, too! (click The Copper)

IN THE SENATE

by 2Truthy


Where can you go Horatio

To give a cop felatio


Search the world for blowjobs


Behind every bathroom stall

Where can you begin to make your dreams all come true
In the can or on the sea

Where can you learn to lie

Play some footsie and jive

Study choosing toilet seats

Sign up for the Senate

Or sit in the grandstand

You’re not gay to tap your feet...

(Chorus)

IN THE SENATE

WE CAN DO WHAT WE PLEASE

IN THE SENATE

WE GET DOWN ON OUR KNEES

IN THE SENATE

IF YOUR PLANE’S RUNNING LATE

IN THE SENATE

FIND SOMEONE TO FELATE

IN THE SENATE

AND STILL GET TO THE GATE
IN THE SENATE
IN BETWEEN QUORUM CALLS
IN THE SENATE
WE GET BLOWN IN THE STALLS
IN THE SENATE

YOU CAN MAKE A QUICK CONNECTION

WITH AN OFFICER’S ERECTION

AND STILL HAVE TIME TO MAKE IT TO YOUR PLANE

IN THE SENATE

YOU CAN SIT IN THE CAN

IN THE SENATE
WHERE YOU CAN JOIN YOUR FELLOW MAN
IN THE SENATE
WHEN WE'RE DONE WITH DEBATE
IN THE SENATE
FIND SOMEONE TO FELATE
IN THE SENATE

SAY YOU'RE STRAIGHT WHEN YOU'RE NOT

IN THE SENATE

JUST TRY NOT TO GET CAUGHT

IN THE SENATE

WHERE’S A STRAIGHT MAN TO GO

FOR A BLOW – BLOW – BLOW -BLOW!!!

-Very special thanks to the Village People-

-2Truthy

George Clooney a Free Agent: From the Desk of Quincy

Leatherheads

From the Desk of Quincy

Guess what everybody?

George Clooney broke up with his girlfriend Sara Larson. She seemed nice only her age probably was a problem for George, but in dog years (like Pig years) if you multiply her age (29) times seven, well, she’d be an old battle axe by anyone’s stretch of the imagination for someone like George who is (47) and gets a pass on dog/pig years because he’s a big movie star. Maybe now he will have more time to devote to worthy endeavors and lend his celebrity to Pigs right’s issues, especially after the loss of his companion, Max.


I like George Clooney because he likes hogs. Did you know that motorcycles are called “hogs” too? I don’t understand why motorcycles are named after one of the smartest species on the planet, unless it’s because a lot of people who like to ride around on them like to drive them around in the mud. Hahahaha, very funny, but that’s just another vicious stereotype because what most people don’t know is Pigs are really very neat (you should SEE 2Truthy’s house when the maids don’t show up…) I keep my room tidy and have a “knock twice first” before you come in sign on the door just in case I’ve slacked off for any reason.


Anyway, George rides around on a motorcycle and did you know that he even got into an accident when he lost control of riding it? (Thank goodness no one sustained life threatening injuries, or bought the farm.) That’s why I’m going to be watching Leatherheads, which looks like more fun than capturing a platoon of German soldiers! It’s George’s new movie where they get to play football in the mud. Yay! Even if it did get lousy reviews, I still want to see it because his other old girlfriend, Renee Zellweger is in it.


Go Bulldogs!

QUINCY

Panties for Peace

- Pledge to Send Your Panties Today-

The next time you think you’ve got it bad, here’s a reality check for what’s going on in the lives of the women in Myanmar and how you can help them.

Burmese superstition holds that contact with women's panties can sap a man's power right out from under their John Thomas Myanmars, and activists claim the fear is shared by the leaders of the country's military regime.

That’s why a Canadian organization called Panties for Peace is requesting that you go to your drawers, take out some panties, and write a little message on them, like

No booty for Burmese junta or

Than Shwe is ucked-fay or

Burmese babes’ bums are best or

Bwhahaha, Sap THIS! or

Moms of Myanmar rock! or

Come closer, I can’t SAP you! or

How about a Burma shave? or

Myanmar Military sucks!

"If you don't believe me, you can bring this to the Yangon airport - you will be shot dead," said activist Thet Thet Tun as she clutched a pair of white undies. "So we use this against them."

Tun, who fled the country seven years ago, described a society suffocating under state control and widespread misogyny.

Spearheaded by a pro-democracy group based in Thailand, the campaign was launched in the fall to draw attention to human rights abuses against women in the country. At the time, the junta was violently suppressing a pro-democracy uprising by the country's Buddhist monks.
Please donate generously to Panties for Peace and if you don’t have any because you’re a man and you haven’t “had any” because you’ve been shit out of luck for a while, don’t worry. Just sew up the seam of your boxers or briefs, write a little ditty and send them to Panties for Peace and help all women of the world SAP those sick, backwards, murderous bastards from power once and for all!

-2Truthy

And the Word is: ACCESS

Elites Rule: America’s Have/Have-Not Society Driving to a Town Near You

Progressive writer and author of the new book World Made by Hand James Howard Kuntsler, who recently appeared on The Colbert Report is an advocate of the choo-choo train. He has written an essay today that explains the need for a transition from our current car culture to riding the rails during this era of peak oil and skyrocketing fuel costs. Everyone I talk to agrees that this would be a great solution to help improve air quality, fuel efficiency and expediency –providing one lives on a rail line and/or has easy access to one. To borrow from my favorite comedian, Stephen Colbert, let’s first define a key word, below.


And the Word is: ACCESS.


That’s the ticket! It’s all about access. Before we can talk about access to transportation, let’s take a closer look under the hood of what America’s corporate culture of globalization has really bought us by selling off our white collar jobs to the third world and exactly what we are subliminally being asked when the inventors of new technologies and their hip political enablers ask the rest of us to “sacrifice” on this elitist ruled race to the bottom.


I am as much an advocate of promoting an expansive rail culture over our congested freeway car culture as anyone and could not agree with JHK more on this, as is the case with most, in fact all of the issues he writes about. It is not his analysis of peak oil or the need to wean off a car culture per se that I disagree with; it is rather the curious omission of facts or “connecting the dots” about the pitch for making a massive switch to riding the rails and foregoing semi-affordable land/air transportation that implies that the plebes and not the elites of this country are being asked to “sacrifice” these modes of transportation.


One cannot separate the legally orchestrated annihilation of white collar jobs from the discussion of mass transportation without first understanding why and for whom the train whistle blows. In addition to pal Citizen Carrie’s site Carrie’s Nation, one of the best sites to visit for a regular dose of how our government is legally ridding us of our right to employment and its consequent fallout is Robert Oak’s The Economic Populist that comprehensively debunks the myth of a “skilled labor shortage” by consistently imploring readers to push public awareness of this problem by demanding that lawmakers pass bills in the national interest.


What does economic populism have to do with transportation? Plenty. At no other time in our history have so many people sat idly by as jobs, (increasingly white collar) continue to disappear (and not come back) while prices of goods and services continue to skyrocket. Forget about the subprime mortgage crisis and lack of healthcare or lead tainted and poisonous products…among other things, if you are denied access to employment because a few greedy corporate and beltway elites get to profit by exploiting cheap third world labor at your expense, cars and trains and airplanes become a moot point.


“Curiously” during this election season, I have read several essays that highlight the personal attributes of successful politicians who can essentially sway the masses into believing that what’s good for the golden goose is good for the gander. (Obama, anyone?)


Access to power is the most crucial access of all. Once the golden ropes are opened to power, fuel, food, housing, medical care, and Prada, everything else is a piece of cake. One would think that for the millions of college educated citizens of this country, this would be a “no brainer.” In lieu of access to the power elite, government ought to be able to step up to the plate with protections that include labor, infrastructures, heath, food and safety. But every time I read the otherwise progressive, insightful, spot-on, invigorating observations on peak-oil and the world’s post peak-oil future by writer James Howard Kunstler, I find slight omissions that make his otherwise noteworthy assertions appear to be lacking that leave me questioning his affiliations into the rarified club of elites or want thereof, where the golden rule of admission is to never bite the hand that feeds you or discreetly knowing what not to talk or write about.


By Kuntsler’s own admission,

“It's not about running out of oil. It's about the instabilities that will shake the complex systems of daily life as soon as the global demand for oil exceeds the global supply.”

He is absolutely right. But what kind of “instabilites” is he referring to and more important, who will they affect? I would welcome further dissertation on what JHK believes this entails. For example, why doesn’t he just come out and say “there is no way that the world’s supply of dwindling resources can sustain global overpopulation” and that wars will always result over control of resources and that the citizens of the United States are considered to have “too much” already and this is the reason that greedy corporate executives are getting our crooked politicians to sell off our jobs, our highways, and our houses and our health to global elites from India, the Middle East and China? I believe that while our jobs continue to disappear, our transportation woes will not be solved by more trains until we stop the bogus claims of skilled worker shortages and stop H1-B legislation that hands our jobs over to those from third-world countries. Let us first be able to afford the goddamn transporation in the place. Horse before cart!

Kuntsler continues:

“And that's the worst part of our quandary: the American public's narrow focus on keeping all our cars running at any cost. Even the environmental community is hung up on this. The Rocky Mountain Institute has been pushing for the development of a "Hypercar" for years -- inadvertently promoting the idea that we really don't need to change.”

The Hypercar idea is fine, and it WILL work. Just not for most of us, because as long as the plebes are down with letting these corporate frat boys sell out the nation’s jobs, nobody outside the inner circle will be able to pay for one. The Rocky Mountain Institute is an organization by and for elites who are not speaking to the rest of us. Only elites will have access to these cars, and access to the jobs it takes to pay for them, maintain and operate them. Again, why doesn’t JHK just come out with it?

“The idea that we can become "energy independent" and maintain our current lifestyle is absurd.”

Again, Kuntsler is right, however, we CAN and ARE inventing clean energy alternatives, some with longer roadmaps than others. Although some, like ethanol, are unsustainable, the promise for viable alternative solutions can not be underscored. The question is how viable are these new solutions in the quasi-near term when it comes to sustaining a world population of 6-9 billion people globally? Some will lose. Who will those be?

“The pie-in-the-sky plan to turn grain into fuel came to grief, too, when we saw its disruptive effect on global grain prices and the food shortages around the world, even in the United States. In recent weeks, the rice and cooking-oil shelves in my upstate New York supermarket have been stripped clean.”

Shortages are only the beginning, and again, are only for the plebes. Shortages will not be a problem for connected elites who have decided to sell out the American people in favor of fellow global elites who can move into our foreclosed homes after our politicians have sold off our jobs to them.


Perhaps the only thing the trains will be good for is for the exploding homeless population to ride and live on. And we might even want to rethink pulling vehicles off the production lines since we might need a few more ambulances to carry off all of those millions of American losers who have no access to health insurance to closing hospitals in the next town over since the local hospitals have been shut down and looted by the HMO’s and insurance companies. Now, THAT’s a plan worth writing about!

“We cannot afford to remain befuddled and demoralized. But we must understand that hope is not something applied externally. Real hope resides within us. We generate it -- by proving that we are competent, earnest individuals who can discern between wishing and doing, who don't figure on getting something for nothing and who can be honest about the way the universe really works.”

Well James, “hope” is for free, and who cares whether it resides in us or not? The Republicans, BTW, have got to be laughting their asses off about all of this hope going ‘round. And nooooo, we are NOT “befuddled and demoralized.” This is not some fucking tea party and Kuntsler’s comment smacks of the Obama brand “bitter lite.”

We are “pissed off” that we are being hijacked by a few elites who are handing over our white collar jobs to third world workers who they want to pay a fraction of our wages to so that all they can afford is to ride the choo choo trains. These good old boy elites then can stuff the profits into the bursting seams of their drastically, gastrically bypassed greedy pockets so that they can shove even MORE exotic sushi into their surgically altered faces. Again, I do not disagree with Kuntsler’s premise about the need for more trains. It is just that it would be great if he would first acknowledge the economic populism black out in future essays and lectures because right now, it sounds like he is parroting the slick, subliminal message of the pols and tech energy elites (Gore, Khosla, Pelosi, Tesla Motors execs etc. Obama and their sycophants) who stand to profit from lucrative investments in alternative energy solutions that will in fact compromise living standards as we know them for the plebes (icky screw light bulbs, one of many examples however admittedly minor) while the “connected” shiny, happy people known as “elites” bask in the warm glow of their mega-powered soft lighting at their expense.

Maybe JHK is merely sucking up what’s left of that rarified air in the company of all of these Old King Coles who are muttering the ominous refrain “we must sacrifice” on this race to the bottom. Good for him, nice job if you can get it.

But a few questions still remain, like who exactly gets access to what’s left of the coveted cars, what’s left of the commercial carriers and private jets while the rest of the plebes ride on the smelly trains and busses with dwindling access to jobs, housing and healthcare? What good is transportation of any sort when the big problem that none of the politicians or journalists or writers dare talk about on the talk show circuit is ACCESS to jobs, healthcare and housing? Has one writer landed a talk show guest seat and dared broach the taboo subject of selling out America’s middle/upper class to the third world? How many college graduates in their twenties are now living at home while their college educated parents who are lucky enough to even find suitable employment are working to support them all under one roof? Is this what is meant by “sacrifice”?


Who exactly in the U.S. must “sacrifice” while other connected people go on talk shows praising well connected politicians and executives known for advocating an increase in H-1b visas to sell out what is left of our white collar jobs, only to get book deals that pave the way for more college lecture circuit stints?


I must agree that JHK is indeed onto something, and this kind of access may be the only ticket left in town.

Happy Memorial Day!

-2Truthy

An Independent Convenience

2Truthy and Host, Criminal Defense Attorney Robert Amparan, the guy who successfully defended former JonBenét Ramsey murder suspect John Mark Karr

2Truthy and Vice Presidential Candidate, Matt Gonzales

(Legendary civil rights defense attorney Tony Serra, background left)

Ralph Nader and 2Truthy at San Francisco Fundraiser

12 Issues that Matter for 2008

Adopt single payer national health insurance
Cut the huge, bloated, wasteful military budget
No to nuclear power, solar energy first
Aggressive crackdown on corporate crimeand corporate welfare
Open up the Presidential debates
Adopt a carbon pollution tax
Reverse U.S. policy in the Middle East
Impeach Bush/Cheney
Repeal the Taft-Hartley anti-union law
Adopt a Wall Street securities speculation tax
Put an end to ballot access obstructionism
Work to end corporate personhood

The Nation -- "Ralph Nader is making every effort to be the most serious candidate for president this year, and he is succeeding despite the dismissals of the political class and the media that sustains it." In the meantime, does anyone still seriously believe that the three new world order stooges, McClob, are standing up for you, dear reader?

On Mothers Day, I attended a Nader/Gonzales 2008 fundraiser in San Francisco where once again, yours truly had the privilege of meeting with the candidate along with vice presidential running mate, Matt Gonzales, to hear them and discuss with them the issues facing the majority in this country. For those of you outside of the SF Bay area, the awesome Matt Gonzales narrowly lost the 2003 mayoral race to the insufferable corporate welfare king Gavin Newsom, a blown-dry, connected Democrat who had a considerably larger budget and the outspoken support of other high profile corporate welfare whores Bill Clinton, Al Gore and Nancy Pelosi.

Nader and Gonzales gave compelling speeches that addressed REAL issues (see above chart) and concerns for the people of this country as opposed to the media black-out corporate elites and their media and “new media” whores who continue to silence the candidate. The only thing separating yours truly from the rest of my Lefty pals on the issue of my voting for a third party candidate is the perpetuated myth of a wasted vote and yet, no matter what third-party critics claim, the fact is that 9 million registered Democrats did not in fact vote for Al Gore in 2000. More telling is that over 200,000 registered Democrats did not vote for Al Gore in Florida alone. What's more, another 600,000 registered Democrats in Florida did not even vote at all! On top of it, this is the United State of Fucking America and how dare some asshole tell anyone they can not run for office…. Like Nader says, if the Democrats can’t win against these dirt bag Repubs, then they don’t deserve to win anything.

Many people continue to ask “why is Nader running?” The answer is that he actually raises issues that no other candidates would touch. Nader talks about issues on the campaign trail that affect people. For example, have you heard McClob talk about the shortsighted Pennsylvania Turnpike fire sale lease to Spanish firm Abertis Infraestructuras, of Barcelona? No. But Nader did. BTW, the PA Turnpike lease means

that if the lease agreement went into effect today, the cost of traveling the turnpike from Ohio to New Jersey — excluding the Northeast Extension — could increase from $19.75 for a vehicle with two axles, which includes most cars and light trucks, to $173.80 in 2083, an increase of 880 percent.

Wouldn’t you think that this is an issue for ALL candidates who might actually want to represent the people, like Nader, and not the corporate pols and elites who are profiting from this back room deal?

Whatsmore, Nader is not presenting another bogus plan to have the insurance companies run healthcare (into the ground) and the only way important issues like these get discussed are when he runs and he gets other candidates to respond.

Ralph Nader, the only intelligent, truly intellectual candidate running, is the only one that is standing up to the corporate welfare machine by speaking out for the American people. Unlike the three corporate shills, McClob, Nader is not taking money from special interest groups and PACs. Nader has the conviction to steer this country in the right direction, by ending the illegal war and occupation in Iraq and Afghanistan, troop withdrawal and slashing the military budget, impeaching Bush and Cheney for high crimes and misdemeanors, ending the number one tyranny against the American public brought on by the Insurance Lobby by instituting a Single Payer-Medicare For All, ending corporate welfare and abuse, raising the minimum wage to a livable wage, ending corporate personhood, repealing the Patriot Act, ending GATT and NAFTA, and improving workers rights and labor conditions by slowing down the exodus of our white collar jobs via H-1b.

Ralph Nader recognizes that by ending the two party duopoly and including third party candidates who represents the majority of Americans who demand real change and not some insulting and empty rhetoric of “believing in the promise of hope” from the likes of Obama, Clinton and Mccain, we can begin to take back this country from the hands of the true "evil doers" -- the corporate elite of Dems and Repubs who are increasingly merging into one Big Money Party.

We want and need to hear more from Ralph Nader, and we want him on ballots all across the country and to be included in all national debates, talk show circuits and radio.

-2Truthy

Happy Birthday Al Franken

Thomasin Franken

-Franken’s Tower-

Al Franken is 57 years old today, so send him 57 bucks, like I did!

Help Al’s daughter Thomasin find one of the few Grateful Dead CD’s that her dad doesn’t have yet for his birthday by donating 57 bucks (one for each year) to his campaign today, knowing that when he kicks Norm Coleman’s ass in November, he did it with YOUR support.

It's easy. It's clean. And the best part is that you don't even have to live in Minnesota, like I once did (nasty mosquitos in the summertime) to help Al get elected!

And remember, Pat Leahy shouldn’t have to be the only Deadhead in the Senate!

Happy Birthday, Al!

-2Truthy

Bush Impresses Chairman Hu Jintao With Diplomacy Skills

- Putting Out Fire With Gasoline-

(Special thanks to David Bowie/Photo credits Mel Toast)

HAHA! Just like a Tom cat trying to get a Cryptorchid disqualified from appearing in the annual feline show, it's always nice to see the President of the Free World and China's Chairman Hu Jintao trying to (if in vain) work things out... especially before the Summer Olympics and before the Chinese call in the debt.

Happy Friday!

-2Truthy

Obama to Hillary: Find Yourself Another Place to Fall

“Well I don't see no holes in the road but you - find another place to fall”

Barry's Happy Hour karaoke plea to Hillary

(Special thanks to KT Tunstall)

Hillary Clinton is going down, and, according to this article has been “unable to accept that.” At the same time, Barack Obama is picking up more Superdelegates than a certain shunned, Chicago South Side black pastor lands talk-show guest appearances.

So why is Hillary still in the race? Hoping that some charge against Obama will stick, that he will make a fatal error, or that something in his background will destroy his candidacy, Hillary can’t seem to give up her lifelong dream of being Queen of the Country.

When Hillary does formally announce her withdrawl, will she something like “I didn’t leave the race, the race left me”? Well, that all depends on whose race we’re talking about, because, as Hillary recently summed it up:

“Sen. Obama's support among working, hardworking Americans, white Americans, is weakening again” and how “whites in both states who had not completed college were supporting me.”

In the meantime, Obama is looking like the victor and David Axelrod or Rahm Emmanuel could have written these lyrics to describe Barry’s present mood:

Another Place to Fall
KT Tunstall

Are you blind

Blind to me trying to be kind

Volunteering for your firing line

Waiting for one precious sign

The flicker of a smile

You should try it just once in a while

Maybe it's not quite your style

It's simply too easy to do

And you might not see it through

See it through

Ooh, so

Find yourself another place to fall

Find yourself up against another brick wall

See yourself as a fallen angel

Well I don't see no holes in the road but you

Find another place to fall

Are you proud

To have founded a brand new behaviour

With hatred and hurt as your saviour

But nobody's choosing to follow

So you choke back the tears and you swallow

Men who have ruined your life

You consume them with minimum strife

But now you have got indigestion

The antacid comes as a question

Ooh, so

Find yourself another place to fall

Find yourself up against another brick wall

See yourself as a fallen angel

Well I don't see no holes in the road but you

Find another place to fall

There isn't much more I can say

For I don't understand the delay

You're asking for friendly advice

And remaining in permanent crisis

Affection is yours if you ask

But first you must take off your mask

When you're back's turned I've decided

I'll throw it away just like I did

Ooh, so

Find yourself another place to fall

Find yourself up against another brick wall

See yourself as a fallen angel

Well I don't see no holes in the road but you

Find another place to fall

Well I don't see no holes in the road but you

Find another place to fall

Well I don't see no holes in the road but you

Find another place to fall

Happy Friday!

-2Truthy

"Mommy, Why is the Car Wasted?"

“Mommy, Why is the Car Wasted?”

First it was Daddy…

Nissan has turned into an old nag with a new gadget that will tell you to lay off the sauce once you turn on the car! It has “upped the ante” by upgrading their car-navigation system with a scolding voice warning you not to drive under the influence of alcohol – after 5:30. (Is that am or pm?)


But don’t worry, all you mixed-up, muffled up, carefree lushes, because now your car can get plastered for you!


E-Fuel has rolled out the "world's first home ethanol product." It's a personal refinery system that hooks up to a water source, a power source, and a waste water disposal outlet, just like a washing machine! Hear that, Moms?


Just in time for Mothers Day, make her the toast of the town by ordering an E-Fuel 100 MicroFueler today! It only costs $9,995, but remember, there may be carbon tax credits on the state and federal level to subsidize the price. Yay!


Want one? Not so fast. First, you will need a federal license to produce alcohol (of which ethanol fuel is a form) which implies you either need to actually grow your own corn or are going to have to make several trips to Iowa in your pick-up truck to raid the local fields because, as demand soars, WHOLE FOODS will be rationing their ears of corn on a onesy-twosey basis. So how many stalks of corn does it take to produce an average, Volvo-sized tank of fuel? You guessed it: A SHITLOAD.


The good news is that apparently, the government isn't picky about handing out federal licenses to any Joe Sixpack and the approval process takes only “a matter of weeks.” Only a matter of weeks? I guess the Bush Administration, really, really does want to see everybody spend those tax rebate checks quickly. Well, if making moonshine for people got the masses through the Great Depression, what’s so wrong about wanting to help a few hundred million cars “take the edge off” this tanking economy on the race to the bottom while a few billion people are projected to starve?


-2Truthy
Cross-posted at BlondeSense

McCain Memo Leaked

The above is an itemized, numerical "secret" memo that an alleged "high level" McCain staffer scribbled while trying to come up with the perfect campaign slogan. (Click on link to enlarge view.)

Here are a few of my favorites, in order:

13. John McCain for President! And go fuck yourself!

And

15. He has an American flag lapel pin lodged in his colon (don’t ask)

And

17. He won’t hesitate to bomb global warming!

And

18. McCain for Prez! Because otherwise he’ll be roaming our streets.

So just who was this alleged “high level staffer” who penned these hilarious gems? Ken Layne?

-2Truthy

Rocket Fuel in Drinking Water: Who Will Clean it Up?

“Like lambs to the slaughter, they’re drinking the water…”
-Tom Lehrer

Our drinking water is full of rocket fuel. Who will clean it up?


The EPA said Tuesday that there's a "distinct possibility" it won't take action to rid drinking water of a toxic rocket fuel ingredient, perchlorate, which has contaminated public water supplies found in at least 395 sites in 35 states. So why is this?


Democratic senators called this “unacceptable” and argued “states and local communities shouldn’t have to bear the expense of cleansing their drinking water or the risk of not doing so.” Perchlorate interferes with thyroid function and poses developmental health risks, particularly to fetuses. In addition, the toxic chemical has also been found in lettuce and other foods. It is reported that 81 percent of perchlorate intake by infants comes from baby foods and dairy foods.


At a Senator hearing yesterday, Barbara Boxer, D-Calif., Chair of the Environment and Public Works Committee, “chided” Benjamin Grumbles, Assistant Administrator for Water at the Environmental Protection Agency, saying

“EPA is trying to shunt the scientists to the back, put the DOD contractors to the front.”

Grumbles told Boxer that “instead of a regulation, the EPA would issue a public health advisory.” Splendid! And what kind of “advisory” would that be? “Drink Contaminated Drinking Water at Your Own Risk”? Thanks, EPA…


The good news is that Senator Boxer has introduced legislation that she plans to bring to a committee vote in June that would require the EPA to set a drinking water standard. Committee Republicans said Congress should stand back and let the EPA finish its work. Boxer said:

“We want to see action by the scientists. We want to see a standard set.”

Grumbles’ maintained that after years of study, the EPA has yet to determine whether actually regulating perchlorate in drinking water “would do much good.” In other words, the EPA can “regulate” contaminated water until the cows come home, which, unfortunately, does not address the real problem: the need to clean it up and prevent further contamination.


Clean up the water at what cost? This is yet another reason to get out of Iraq and route military spending back home. Or how about scotching plans for buying all of those flat screen tee-vees and instead pooling those tax rebate checks to the collective tune of Bush’s $170 billion economic stimulus package?



Maybe this wouldn’t quite be the nation’s leading Retailer’s wet dream, but at least we could all rest a little easier knowing that when, as Tom Lehrer sings, “we turn on our tap,” we don’t get “hot and cold running crud.”

-2Truthy
Cross-posted at BlondeSense

Madonna On a Rampage! Lifts Altar Boy's Cassock -- Pope Enraged

Madonna Does Justin Timberlake, NYC

George Shakapopolus (11): “Gee, I’m bored. When’s Madonna gonna get here?"

(Photo Courtesy Mel Toast)

Stanley Kohinki (12): “Don’t hurt me, Madonna!”

(Photo courtesy Mel Toast)

Put Justin down Madonna, You're Old Enough to be His Mother

Is Mother-of-Three Madonna going to extremes to “keep herself relevant in the youth obsessed pop world” by resorting to plastic surgery and a constant, punishing fitness regime” and by taking to live, sexual simulations onstage with guys half her age?

Bumping and grinding with 27 year-old Justin Timberlake at Friday night's performance at New York City's Roseland Ballroom while promoting her new recording Hard Candy, Madonna guzzled champagne and did her trademark dominatrix, dance magic on a guy who’s at least half her age – yes, THAT Justin Timberlake --- a mere boy, an innocent youth who’s had passionate, intense and serious relationships with such high profile entertainers as Cameron Diaz and Brittney Spears. Madonna’s seductive moves demonstrated that the ageing, Pop Diva Dorian Gray can still hold court, however controversially, live on stage.

Everybody just have sex, who cares how old we are, with who, how old they are, or who watches. It’s no secret that Madonna has mastered the exhibitionist theatre of erotic song and dance. Yours truly is a big fan of Madonna from the Borderline days, when, IMHO, she did her best stuff and kept it real. To this day, I can only marvel at her amazing discipline and moves, and she seems to be keeping up the vocal coaching and yet, has Madonna become a caricature of herself? Has she placed herself so far above and beyond her would-be fans that they can never, like some resurrected, divine icon, experience what her otherworldly afterlife could ever look or feel like?

What kind of signal does Madonna send to other women her age without access to plastic surgery and personal trainers, much less a desire for this lifestyle? Whatsmore, how do her “suggestive” performance moves serve as a role model for teens navigating a culture of increasingly confused and self-obsession? Was Madonna’s recent performance bawdy and vulgar or was it brilliant and inspiring?

Is Madonna the “Hillary” of Performance Pop? Why does Madonna offend so many people? The performance-savvy Madonna arguably substitutes a dominatrix vibe for true audience rapport which is, by definition, the manipulation of her art. Her intention is not to strike a common chord or to engage her real-people audience, much less pretend to be a role model but to make all those bad, bad boys and girls and dads and moms and others, ala dominatrix style, marvel at her multi-costumed, audacious moves. By controlling the vibe, she loses any empathy she might have otherwise gained had she not distanced herself from her audience. Likely, this is what rubs so many people -- including parents of teens the wrong way --- the fact that Madonna knows she’s getting away with stretching the boundaries of conventional mores, thrusting them in the faces of the world’s parents and their kids while she goes home and plays mommy like everybody else.

Now, if this were the young and controversial Amy Winehouse who makes no pretense about where the line is between her performance and lifestyle choices, she’d certainly find more communion.

As one commenter sums it up:

“What I find most irritating is her hypocrisy - she says she doesn't allow her children to watch TV, yet is prepared to behave like this for other people's children to watch.”

-2Truthy

Cross-posted at BlondeSense

Happy May Day

- Dancing Around the Maypole at the Lakeside, OH Strawberry Festival-

Danny Schecter of Mediachannel.Org has written the mother of all May Day articles entitled The Fire Bell in the Night and Our Real Terror that is a timely plea for all citizens of this country to just (as Cher so famously put it in her Moonstruck scene when she slapped Nic Cage) "SNAP OUT OF IT!!!"


Danny has been researching and reporting on the subprime mortgage crisis before anyone bothered to pay attention. Today, people are paying attention. So how bad is it?

"While we debate Reverend Wright the economy goes to hell" two things are happening in, at least the mind of yours truly: (one), I'm beginning to like Reverend Wright a hell of a lot more and (two), realize (duh) that he is being used by our corporate welfare backed media to distract fire and brimstone minded voters, keeping the public discourse once again, off the scent while this perfect storm of white collar job outsourcing, dwinding paychecks, home foreclosures, lack of access to healthcare, tainted food/products, eroding civil liberties with no accountable government oversight, it's like NOBODY is driving the car!

"The Housing Panic blog reaches into history to remind us of an uprising that saw martial law imposed in Iowa in 1933 after “a mob of 150 farmers dragged Circuit Judge Charles C. Bradley from the bench, manhandled the 60-year-old jurist and threatened to lynch him unless he promised not to sign further foreclosure orders.” Don’t think never again. If has come to this—it can come to that." -D.S.

Happy May Day!

-2Truthy