Thursday, March 29, 2007

Chocolate Jesus Offends Quincy

From the Desk of Quincy
Chocolate Jesus Offends Quincy

I don’t know about the rest of you, but every year around this time during the Lenten/Easter season, I begin to experience a kind of queasy feeling with all this talk of chocolate bunnies and especially talk of ham.

In today’s news, there is a public outcry against this artist, Cosimo Cavallaro, who made a statue of Our Lord, Jesus Christ, out of chocolate. That’s right – Cosimo turned Jesus into a whole chocolate body, from head to toe -- the whole private parts and everything --- and he is completely NAKED and not even wearing boxer shorts or anything. Look at that.

Notice that the picture only shows the top half of him…I think that’s because the newspaper would get so sued for showing the bottom half. Anyway, lots of people are very, very angry over this – especially the Catholics, which is how 2Truthy was raised. 2Truthy said that if any of the nuns she had in school saw the Chocolate Jesus, they would definitely hunt down Cosimo, make him take down the blasphemous chocolate art and drive them BOTH back to the convent. Then the sisters would call up Father Bruno and ask him to perform a Mass, bless the Chocolate Jesus, stick him in the rectory refrigerator and then take him out when it’s ready to sacrifice his entire chocolate body by eating him during Holy Communion. And do you know why 2Truthy said this? Because EVERY year on Valentine’s Day, 2Truthy’s Irish Catholic mother had to buy FOUR separate boxes of Fannie May chocolates for her and her brothers to give to their teachers in return for safe midyear grade reports. So 2Truthy knows that nuns love chocolate and they love Jesus and that’s what the nuns would really do.

But what I am really offended about is what Cosimo actually did with 312 pounds of ham. Read here:

“Cavallaro, who was raised in Canada and Italy, is best known for his quirky work with food as art: Past efforts include repainting a Manhattan hotel room in melted mozzarella, spraying 5 tons of pepper jack cheese on a Wyoming home and festooning a four-poster bed with 312 pounds of processed ham.”

You read that right. 312 POUNDS OF HAM, all of it sacrificed by two young pot bellied pigs with Mensa IQ’s and for what? To be thrown around all over a four-poster beds somewhere in Manhattan like designer Jonathan Adler throw pillows and shams… with no rhyme or reason.

Humph. I wonder what George Clooney has to say about Cosimo’s lack of artistic judgment when it came to this colossal, unpolitically correct choice? I hope that when George Clooney becomes a politician, that he will campaign for Pigs Rights issues and place them at the top of the list.
Pigs for Peace,

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