Tuesday, March 8, 2011

CharlieSheenIT Moves Into Exclusive Moral INTurpitude Dude Lodge

I process humanity with meatpacker's skill. Not to mince words,
I'm the cold-blooded killer of success. I win. You lose. Every time.
What's more, you LOVE it. -c.

Losing the War on Humor Welcomes CharlieSheenIT
to Exclusive San Francisco Bay Moral INTurpitude Dude Lodge

THE GAY SWAMI “Official” CharlieSheenIT Sobriety Coach

Head Exploding News

Sherman Oaks – After getting sacked for committing egregious acts like “moral turpitude” and “cocaine” as this shocking TMZ report reveals, Twitter sensation CharlieSheenIT suddenly announced today that he is astral projecting north to San Francisco where he'll hang his fedora at Losing the War on Humor. Carlos will join hosts 2Truthy, Mel Toast and THE GAY SWAMI who has offered his (sort of) pro-bono sobriety coaching services for all the blow and Marlboros Charlie can pack in the trunk of his black Mercedes.

Who's behind the move? Non other than His Holiness, THE GAY SWAMI.

Tired and horribly bored with all the camped out camera crews and ex-wives with mere mortal brains hanging around the Sherman Oaks Sober Lodge, the Torpedo of Turpitude is determined to sweat out Alien Truth and seek a higher dimension at the otherworldly San Francisco Bay Moral INTurpitude Dude Lodge. Light years away from the stench of Chuck and the rest of those Warner Brothers Television losers, he will be surrounded by the goddesses, his bookie, Sean Penn, and Shiva the Destroyer among other tiger blood drinking enablers. 

Please welcome Charlie in his pursuit of a Higher Powder. 

He. Is. Winning!

Process that, Loserettes!



The Church Lady said...

SHAME ON YOU, Charlie Sheen.


The Suits explicitly told you not to DO anything rash - NOT to contract one. Now, you have received your just desserts.

Out of the goodness of their God fearing hearts, they gave you warning and even sent a private jet to pick you up but what did you do?

YOU trashed the NYC hotel room and left that nasty little buxom hooker shrieking in the bathroom behind a locked door after licking the entrails of your eight ball dusted, dirty, filthy torpedo.

Is this the way you would like Our Savior, the Baby Jesus to remember you and your blasphemous alien adventures with goddesses who break fresh organic eggs across your ample buttocks INSTEAD of a twelve inch ruler? Is it? You need a good licking young man.



Derukugi said...

"The trolls who persecute me know not who truly rules their lives. I do. I live in the burning belly of the Hollywood shtetl!"



Jeremy David Stone said...



Not only that, but Charlie can balance four hookers and a bong on a skateboard with two cigarettes hanging out of each one of his GLORIOUSLY hairy nostrils all at the SAME TIME!

Anonymous said...


Hey man.

Who's this McMurtry dude singing about the "backdoor" educated American job giveaway to those "skilled best and brightest" imports stealing jobs that American citizens need instead? More McMurtry.

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