Tuesday, December 25, 2007

I Can't Believe it's Christmas


Chrismus On The Plantation
Paul Laurence Dunbar

It was Chrismus Eve, I mind hit fu’ amighty gloomy day
—Bofe de weathah an’ de people—not a oneof us was gay;
Cose you ‘ll t’ink dat’s mighty funny ‘twell Itry to mek hit cleah,
Fu’ a da’ky’s allus happy when de holidays isneah.

But we was n’t, fu’ dat mo’nin’ Mastah ‘d tol’ uswe mus’ go,
He’d been payin’ us sence freedom, butcould n’t pay no mo’;
He wa’n’t nevah used to plannin’ ‘fo’ he got sopo’ an’ ol’,
So he gwine to give up tryin’, an’ de homesteadmus’ be sol’.

I kin see him stan’in’ now erpon de step ezcleah ez day,
Wid de win’ a-kind o’ fondlin’ thoo his haih allthin an’ gray;
An’ I ‘membah how he trimbled when he said,
“It ‘s ha’d fu’ me, Not to mek yo’ Chrismus brightah, but I ‘lowit wa’n’t to be.”

All de women was a-cryin’, an’ de men, too, onde sly,
An’ I noticed somep’n shinin’ even in ol’ Mas-tah’s eye.
But we all stood still to listen ez ol’ Ben comef’om de crowd
An’ spoke up, a-try’n’ to steady down his voiceand mek it loud:

—“Look hyeah, Mastah, I’s been servin’ you’ fu’lo! dese many yeahs,
An’ now, sence we ‘s got freedom an’ you’s kindo’ po’, hit ‘pears
Dat you want us all to leave you ‘cause youdon’t t’ink you can pay.
Ef my membry has n’t fooled me, seem datwhut I hyead you say.

“Er in othah wo’ds, you wants us to fu’git datyou’s been kin’,
An’ ez soon ez you is he’pless, we’s to leaveyou hyeah behin’.
Well, ef dat ‘s de way dis freedom ac’s on peo-ple, white er black,
You kin jes’ tell Misatah Lincum fu’ to tek hisfreedom back.

“We gwine wo’k dis ol’ plantation fu’ whatevahwe kin git,
Fu’ I know hit did suppo’t us, an’ de place kindo it yit.
Now de land is yo’s, de hands is ouahs, an’ Ireckon we’ll be brave,
An’ we’ll bah ez much ez you do w’en we hasto scrape an’ save.”

Ol’ Mastah stood dah trimblin’, but a-smilin’thoo his teahs,
An’ den hit seemed jes’ nachul-like, de placefah rung wid cheahs,
An’ soon ez dey was quiet, some one sta’tedsof’ an’ low:
“Praise God,” an’ den we all jined in, “fromwhom all blessin’s flow!”

Well, dey was n’t no use tryin’, ouah min’s wassot to stay,
An’ po’ ol’ Mastah could n’t plead ner baig, nerdrive us ‘way,
An’ all at once, hit seemed to us, de day wasbright agin,
So evahone was gay dat night, an’ watched deChrismus in.


Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Borat is DEAD


Sacha Baron Cohen has killed Borat and so everybody should pray for his immortal soul (Borat's, not Sacha's) and Sacha is getting off scot free!
Well anyway, I am going to be holding a seance later this evening once I get back from the Christmas party to find out DIRECTLY from Borat exactly how this happened and to learn more about his afterlife experiences!

White Christmas: Happy Friday, Loserettes!

For Some Cool Yule, Turn Up the Volume and Click HERE

Nader Haters

"I don't care about my personal legacy," Nader says. "I care about how much justice is advanced in America and in our world day after day." -Ralph Nader

The Nation’s Eric Alterman hates Ralph Nader

Eric Alterman undeniably has great taste in music, as his recent newsletters describe his attendance at the Neil Young and Hot Tuna gigs this week in New York City. When it comes to preaching the Gore is God mantra, here is where we part company. Although Al Gore blatantly cost Ralph Nader the 2000 election, those in the Al Gore is God camp are still operating under the hallowed delusion that green businessman Gore

would have stopped the myth of the tech lobby sponsored, great labor shortage and job outsourcing through H-1bs

would have broken ties with the insurance companies so we’d all have health coverage today

would have not pretended that the “war” in Iraq was about democracy instead of oil

would have severed ties with Silicon Valley venture capitalists and green tech start up sycophants so that he would not appear to have a conflict of interest with the beltway

would never have evolved into a $2B green tech businessman with potential sites on soaking American taxpayers through quick get rich green tech investments

is a man for the people and not the elites (of course, the cult of Gore spinners really know it is the opposite but don’t want the rest of us to know that)

I met Ralph Nader at a 2000 fundraiser and was struck by how much he emphasized back then that neither candidate was committed to the economy and he stressed that the corporate welfare duopoly of Bush and Gore would both sink the middle class further as they sucked up to the tech lobby demanding increased immigration at a time when white collar jobs were disappearing due to the great dot.com bubble and burst. And yet, so many Democrats ignored this fact and to this day mindlessly bash Nader, a decent and honorable man who cared most for the interests as opposed to corporate welfare candidates who were running, Bush and Gore.

I knew that Gore would do nothing about this back then and to this date, Gore has only proven how dedicated he is to his friends responsible for selling out our white collar jobs with his roles as board advisor and member to Google and Apple and others who subscribe to the let them eat cake third world caste system, great labor shortage scam of outsourcing and driving down compensation at a time when cost of living skyrockets, health insurance is cost prohibitive and or unavailable, The FDA has been sold out, and the feudal lord sentiment that visibly sustains the greedy in this neoliberal cult from the smartest peeps in the room prevail.

Alterman calls the Nader voters a bunch of "Leninists" and yet as Gore’s history demonstrates, a jolt of Leninism is what we needed then and need now more than ever: a bunch of Leninists to rock the boat when journalists, pundits and columnists and authors are intimately pegged to the corporate welfare media trough.

Maybe Gore could indeed use his Nobel winning influence to stop this practice of replacing our white collar professionals with cheap immigrant labor when it has been proved there is no labor shortage here but in fact a shortage of high paid jobs. Has anyone heard him say otherwise? Hmph.

But hey, like I said – Eric Alterman has great taste in music.


Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Lost Loved Ones: Searching for a Heart of Gold

Landscape Under a Stormy Sky
Vincent van Gogh
Heart of Gold

I want to live,
I want to give
I’ve been a miner for a heart of gold.
It’s these expressions
I never give
That keeps me searching for a heart of gold
And I’m getting old.
Keeps me searching for a heart of gold
And I’m getting old.
I’ve been to Hollywood
I’ve been to redwood
I crossed the ocean for a heart of gold
I’ve been in my mind,
its such a fine line
That keeps me searching for a heart of gold
And I’m getting old.
Keeps me searching for a heart of gold
And I’m getting old.
Keep me searching for a heart of gold
You keep me searching for a heart of gold
And I’m getting old.
I’ve been a miner for a heart of gold.
-Neil Young

While we still have time, my old friend, visit with Neil Young on his European tour and catch the magic left in a time when yesterday rang so true with family, friends, and songs of good cheer as our now departed quietly remind us of our shared, kindred spirit that knows neither time nor distance or privelege.

That’s all I want to say, that this timeless world takes away from us those we love but never truth and peace, should we allow it.

Stay well and leave this world a better place for it, dammit.



Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Outsourcing Snags Ground Boeing's Dreamliner

Special Thanks to Peter Cohan @bloggingstocks.com

Peter Cohan cites The Wall Street Journal report that Boeing (NYSE: BA)'s 787 Dreamliner is being delayed due to its global value chain. This suggests that despite the best efforts of globalization proponents to extol the virtues of a flat world, there are still some mighty big rocks in its path.

Boeing encountered much bigger challenges than anticipated in its efforts to lower the $10 billion cost of developing the 787 by shifting the job to other companies. It mistakenly thought that it would be easy to snap together at its Seattle-area factory a collection of parts designed and built by worldwide suppliers. The resulting delays have affected 19 of the 52 airlines that have ordered the 787, some of which were counting on using their planes during the 2008 Summer Olympics. Boeing could end up paying millions in penalty payments to customers.

The basic problem Boeing faces is that its suppliers -- instead of using their own engineers to do the design work -- outsourced that work to even smaller companies. And in their eagerness to profit from the 787 windfall, overloaded themselves with work from multiple 787 suppliers. In effect, Boeing is now learning that it did not provide strict enough performance goals to its suppliers. And now it's at their mercy.When Boeing gives its progress briefing on Tuesday, odds are good that the 787 will be delayed even more than originally anticipated. Dreamliner's final-assembly process had been designed to bring together about 1,200 components. Instead, according to Mike Bair, the executive who was replaced when the delay became apparent, said the first airplane had come to the factory in 30,000 pieces.

This gap between expectations and reality suggests that Boeing has a long way to go to get its delivery schedule under control. And it also highlights the dangers of blithely assuming that globalization is the solution to the problem of high costs.

Peter Cohan is President of Peter S. Cohan & Associates. He also teaches management at Babson College and edits The Cohan Letter. He has no financial interest in Boeing.

Outsourcing Hazards and Limits

Murphy's Law Applied To Outsourcing
-Special Thanks to John Soat-

John Soat contributed this article below to InformationWeek's CIO's Uncensored Blog

December 7, 2008 Boeing's aggressive effort to outsource development of its new 787 jetliner has resulted in delays, missed deadlines, and unhappy customers and suppliers, all of which, more than likely, has a very familiar ring to many CIOs. How are all these negative lessons-learned affecting future outsourcing plans -- if at all?

The Wall Street Journal had an extensive story on the problems the airline maker is encountering with its much-anticipated Dreamliner 787. According to the Journal, the new plane is at least six months behind schedule, customers are concerned that they won't receive their orders in a timely manner, and suppliers are working overtime to accommodate increasingly aggressive production schedules.

Boeing had conceived a radical new construction process for the Dreamliner, with big chunks being manufactured by outside parties and then assembled by Boeing at its Everett, Wash., plant. That's not dissimilar to the way big application development projects are conceived and constructed. The results Boeing is experiencing aren't dissimilar to what's happened with some (many?) big outsourced applications.

There's certainly something familiar about this statement from the Journal article: "The first Dreamliner to show up at Boeing's factory was missing tens of thousands of parts, Boeing said." Substitute "lines of code" for "parts" and the lesson as it applies to software is the same.
"The missteps underscore the hazards and limits of outsourcing," the Journal article said. Hazards and limits such as these, all of which apply equally to IT outsourcing projects:

>> Communication barriers, including language and geography.
>> Lack of institutional knowledge, which required Boeing to "parachute in" its own engineers and executives to help suppliers.
>> Outsourcers outsourcing to third parties, which compounded problems with production and quality assurance.

Outsourcing may be at something of a crossroads (so to speak). The era of the big-bang IT outsourcing contract is probably over, the last nail in that particular coffin driven in three years ago when Jamie Dimon, CEO of JP Morgan Chase, canceled a $5 billion outsourcing deal with IBM (NYSE: IBM) and rehired about 4,000 of the workers involved.

There are indications that less-ambitious outsourcing efforts may get suffocated next year. In the Society for Information Management's most recent survey of IT managers, respondents indicated that they had allocated no IT budget dollars for outsourcing in 2008. Whether that means zero funds to IT outsourcing next year, or zero ADDITIONAL funds, isn't entirely clear, but nonetheless it indicates a strong negative trend.

Outsourcing is not a fad, destined to whither away. It's a step in the evolution of the global economy. And negative lessons are important, but not the only lessons to be learned. What companies are wrestling with now is the proper equilibrium for outsourcing -- what, where, and how much exactly. CIOs are at the forefront of that evolution, and of determining that equilibrium. Their experiences with outsourcing will help decide the shape of the global economy for years to come.

What's your take? Have your experiences with outsourcing been mostly negative or mostly positive? And how have those experiences shaped your outsourcing strategy -- more, less, or about the same? -JS


December 11th, 1999 Ireland

"I still cry when I hear "Bury My Lovely" which is one of the saddest songs I've ever heard."
-A Fan of Mary Fahl and October Project-

Friday, December 7, 2007

2Truthy's Happy Friday Hour: Levon Helm

Levon Helm and the Staple Singers

Happy Friday, Loserettes!

Levon Helm (vocalist, drummer, mandolinist of THE BAND) has a new album out called “Dirt Farmers.” He also had cancer so here’s to him beating it. It can happen. I’ve been there, too.

Keep up the good fight for health coverage for all,


Thursday, December 6, 2007

George W. Bush: First MBA President and Why (most) MBA’s Suck

George W. Bush: First MBA President and Why (most) MBA’s Suck

Here’s a little Country song I wrote today. Imagine the late, great Waylon Jennings sing:

George Bush he’s dumb and mean
George Bush there just ain’t been
A president when shove comes to push
That’s half as dumb as ol’ George Bush.

Just keep singing it over and over…

"Only the educated are free." -- Epictetus - (ca 55-135 A.D.)
“Only the educated in America are headed for annihilation –2Truthy- (ca 2007 and forever)

Not all MBA’s suck. Just most of them. Why, some of my best friends are MBA’s…

Fundamentally, most MBA’s are a bunch of freeloading pimps. They are jerks who seek out the company of other jerks in mutual admiration societies where they are most comfortable in their global hangout otherwise known as the seventh circle of hell. Most MBA’s don’t deliver any useful products or services themselves, so in order to get rich they have to find somebody else to “do the job that they can’t do.”

This week, “manipulating the facts (a term some of our mothers called “lying”) soared to new heights when the National Intelligence Estimate concluded that Iran poses no nuclear threat to the United States, despite the fact that Dubya has been tellin’ us otherwise. Never mind the fact that the two-term duo MBA Dubya and former CEO of Halliburton, Dick Cheney, are trying to make the world “safer” for oil executives and have been running the country. But hey, who needs credibility when you’re the official Dictator of the Free World whose citizens actually believe that this is the supreme land of the American Dream?

Whose American Dream is it? Management versus Labor has been an enduring economic theme in this country for as long as there’s been this country. But when it comes to lying to this country about Saddam having weapons of mass destruction and Iran being a nuclear threat and outing Valerie Plame, this administration – true to form ---has lied and cheated the American public beyond disgrace. The only thing worse than a lying and cheating Republican administration is a Democratic loathsome pack of presidential frontrunners, who, during this week’s NPR Iowa debate, have taken the official low road “Google Oath” of selling out America’s white collar jobs. It is known that Hillary and Barack are Indian lobby whores (pledging to raise the H-1b cap for “infinite” immigrants to take our white collar jobs) but to the disappointment of many, John Edwards sided with them when asked about the GREAT LABOR SHORTAGE AND EDUCATION MYTH during the NPR debate (see transcript above.)

The problem these days is when you to listen to both political parties, you would think that they all believe it’s every American’s birthright to have been promoted into management by now. Although not everyone can be a “manager”, it is possible for the educated and talented among us to work in capacities where human rights and civility in the workplace are not merely courtesies but mandatory conditions in fields like computer science and engineering where it has been proven there is a shortage AND NOT A SURPLUS of jobs. For this reason, there is no excuse for greedy executives here to lobby for MORE cheap labor from India when there aren’t enough jobs to go around for our own citizens.

It’s precisely that smug, asinine, I GOT MINE attitude that screams “if you don’t have an eight figure portfolio by the time you’re fifty, you’re a fucking retard.”

That slogan is evinced by certain self-absorbed “progressive” blogs that are using the Democratic candidates as tools for their hungry asses to get street cred at the MSM trough while they attack and wipe out their very Democratic base. Stupid is as stupid does…As long as you can get a photo op with the Big Dog, who the fuck cares who gets elected? That’s the elitist golden mantra. Where is the civility and respect for intelligence and art and science and, in particular, originality among the people of this country that has outsourced the health and wealth and integrity that those of us with decent ancestors worked so hard to create?

Back to MBA’s. In general, since most MBA’s are typically unoriginal and lack expertise in anything other a thoroughly tainted view of economics, their only path to success is to intimidate the competition. From the beltway to the boardroom, victory through intimidation as opposed to the smartest people in the room is what sells in this country. Go to other culture-rich cities abroad like Dublin, Tehran or Istanbul or Berlin and you will find that the people there are genuinely interesting and unique and humane. But here, the Ugly American and their corporate welfare enablers are unique in their ability to worship the biggest asshole in the room and this can be seen in our journalism and a couple of so-called progressive blogs that are in fact obnoxious and indistinguishable from the same MSM rags they purport to rail against. Do these inarticulate bloggers actually think they are the next Barbara Waters or Katie Couric or Diane Sawyer? What’s the fucking deal here?

Presidents are hired and not voted into office. The problem with hiring MBA’s like Bush and Cheney for president is that they think the way you win is by being the biggest jerk and asshole in the room and by vanishing your competition….kind of like the way they handled the Valerie Plame outing. For them, the mere words “compromise” and “negotiate” and “compassion” mean stand in front of a moving train going 90 mph…

Think of it this way: J.R. Ewing would have made a lousy president and he was smart.

See, if I was looking for someone to run an automobile dealership in Ft. Worth, then Bush might be the kind of guy I could count on not to let the customers screw him out of my money.

But if I were looking to vote for a presidential candidate who was committed to the welfare of America’s educated, white collar middle class, then I would, like the rest of the thinking public have to take a pass on any one of these pre-ordained, One Big Money Party keepers of the corporate welfare castle gate and either not vote at all or vote for an Independent candidate in 2008.

Who that would be is anyone’s guess. Either that, or maybe a vote for a Republican would be the best and final solution, after all?


Friday, November 30, 2007

2Truthy's Happy Friday Hour: Nellie McKay

Nellie McKay: A cross between Rickie Lee Jones and Billie Holliday
Happy Friday, Loserettes!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Henry Hyde: Dead

“When I cross the river for the last time, my thoughts will be of the House, the House, the House."

-Henry Hyde, repeating what he overheard a father of four from Hoboken say on the tee vee about the subprime mortgage scandal.

Chicago’s own Henry Hyde, former Democrat turned Republican Congressman who had an affair with a married woman in his forties and went on to lead the charge in Bill Clinton’s impeachment trial over his indiscretion with White House intern Monica Lewinsky died early this morning at the age of 83.

Hyde was best known for the Hyde Amendment. If anyone couldn’t keep their rosaries out of somebody else’s ovaries, it was Congressman Hyde:

"Hyde represented a GOP district in suburban Chicago and cut his teeth on the rough-and-tumble politics of the city. He served in the state legislature before being elected to Congress in 1974. Not long after, he sponsored the Hyde Amendment, which essentially banned federally funded abortions. It passed in 1976."

In addition to the well liked, Irish Catholic Congressman with the “sharp wit” who was respected by “both sides of the aisle”, Hyde went on to soak Chicago land taxpayers an estimated $68 million during the Clyde Federal Savings and Loan scandal. Hyde, after leaving left the S&L, insisted that he engaged in no wrongdoing and was the only director who refused to contribute $850,000 settlement that eventually led to the lawsuit's dismissal. Henry Hyde was also a stand-up comedian.


Monday, November 26, 2007

Citigroup to Slash 45,000 Workers

And in the "First World," they are hard at work, diligently trying to eliminate the middle class.

"Corporations Are People, Too."

Charles "Chuck" Prince is stepping down as chairman and chief executive of Citigroup Inc. with stock and retirement benefits worth about $60 million, at the very same time plans to slash as many as 45,000 workers from the payroll in order in what is being referred to as a massive “layoff” in order to “position our businesses in line with economic realities," said a Citi spokeswoman.

How do they sleep at night? Oh, that’s right. With Blackwater security patrols surrounding their gated, moated properties, dreaming of plebes eating cake, as victors in this war on the middle class while the middle class sleeps.


Saturday, November 24, 2007

Romney and Obama on the Same Ticket?

Mitt and Barack: Long Lost Cousins After All?

We absolutely don't care if there's a Muslim in the White House because now that we know Mormons and Muslims are practically or probably the same religion, all good Christians can safely bet on a Romney/Obama ticket to take them to the next One Big Money Party level.

In fact, the more we learn about the non-Christian, self-proclaimed Christian faith of multiple wives Mormonism and its second or ninety-eighth cousin six times removed religion of Islam, the more we find that it is impossibly likely that founders Muhammad and John Smith enjoyed getting laid a whole lot more than all of the other status quo religious spirit children combined back in the day.

Here’s a little story that (above video) that tells you everything you need to know about how the Mormon Jesus and NOT that one who lived someplace in the Middle East a couple thousand years ago is the right one for America. Not only that, but check out how much Barack Obama and his lobbyist pals and Mitt have so much in common by clicking on the links below. So go grab yourself a box of Pepperidge Farm pirouettes and a coke, sit back, tell your boss to fuck off and watch the video.
Doesn’t this just make you want to call up Martha Stewart’s boyfriend and head straight to

The parallels between the two religions and candidates are nothing short of perplexing (or baffling, depending on which team you bat for.) Since we already know about the sober-thinking and sober-reasoning practice of dead Muslim men getting the 72 virgins thing and, to be fair, Islam was around before Mormonism officially ignited sometime around 1833 in the Midwest before John Smith got thrown out of there (we don’t know if it was for boffing the mayor’s wife ), these two religions go together just like soup and sandwich (sans the ham) or like Dems and Repubs or like, hey yeah, Mitt and Barack! Stand them sideways and ask them about their policies and non-policies on
Iraq, healthcare, immigration, drivers licenses, their mutual commitment to selling out jobs, Trent Lott’s resignation, who has more of many of the same lobbyists on their team and why, you can hardly see them!

Just think: a vote for these two can save your immortal soul some political capital before Congressman Dr. Ron Paul beats you to it and spends it all on fake gold doubloons that may be tainted with lead or melamine or some other shit from China.


Imus and Airwave Pollution: Where's Al Gore When You Need Him?

“If there's no redemption, what are we here for?" -James Carville

Don Imus Back on the Airwaves December 3

“If there's no redemption, what are we here for?" What does that mean?

Let’s see now…does Carville mean that if Imus doesn’t get to have his old high paying job back and get to call half of the Rutgers University women’s basketball team “nappy headed hos” again, that Imus has no other redeeming, worldly purpose here on earth? Could it be?

Don Imus is coming back to the airwaves after making offensive comments about a few female Rutgers basketball players. Rory O’Connor explains how the ten “Imus Enablers” and the lure of the trough keeps this incestuous band of ham hocks glued together in this AlterNet article

“It didn't take long for the Don Imus enablers to re-emerge. Just months after the racist, sexist and homophobic shock jock was fired for his on-air characterization of the Rutgers University women's basketball team as "nappy-headed ho's" -- and less than two weeks after Citadel Broadcasting announced his impending return to radio -- the Big Media and Big Politics elite are crawling out of the woodwork to embrace Imus all over again.”

When it comes to sticking up for his pal Imus for his misogynistic, racial slur, Carville goes on to say that he defends the speaker, not the speech.

That’s swell, if you have no principles. But shouldn’t he BLAME the speaker and condemn the speech he gave? All the redemption in the world can’t retract what Imus said about these student basketball players who did nothing to him. Why reward this guy by giving him back his old job when there are plenty of others who could replace him? Yes, there are plenty of radio professionals who could fill the I-Man’s shoes if given the chance. But noooooo……

Sure, Carville can defend a morally bankrupt pal all he wants, but there is nothing moral or principled in doing so. Rather, the old guns don’t kill, people kill argument applies here when it comes to what Imus said about the Rutgers basketball team: Words were the weapon of choice that demeaned and belittled a group of female minority students, wielded by some ROWG with a microphone and an audience of over ten million (some of whom, no doubt, were rallied on by this racial and misogynistic slur) and yet, rather than replace Imus with another talented radio disc jockey, they call him back?

Forget about the hate speeches against women and the cheap laughs. Oh, it’s all for the money, and the soulless, enabler friends and audience ghouls who gobble up such Imus epithets like

"brillohead, dark meat, Mandingos, Uncle Ben, gooks, chinks, slanty-eyed bastards, queers, homos, ho's, lesbos, gorillas, pimps, and knuckle-dragging."

It’s a proud day in hell, to be sure, for all of those tractor pulling motherfuckers out there who think Imus and his hypocritical, corporate welfare voting, Hillary loving enablers are shining role models of redemption here in the United States of Corporate America. It's true.

Slur onwards, Don Imus! Your pitchfork awaits you!


Monday, November 19, 2007

Victory! Wilbur Wright Middle School Lifts Ban on "Happy Thanksgiving" Greeting



EXCLUSIVE NOSCHOOLGATE UPDATE: Wilbur Wright Middle School Lifts Ban on “Happy Thanksgiving” Greeting

Hooray Principal Harkibus! Who did the right thing!

Justice has been served today on a silver platter, as Principal Harkibus replaced the “No School” greeting on the Wilbur Wright Middle School’s kiosk to “Happy Thanksgiving.”

All the kids and parents today can give thanks for having a courageous principal who stood up to the shadowy Grinches who almost stole the “Happy Thanksgiving” Greeting from the Wilbur Wright Middle School’s kiosk in this leafy hamlet of Munster. (And kids, you have an anonymous parent and at least one reporter whose identities remain undisclosed to thank for championing the cause. Just don’t forget to remind your parents to prepare a nice, juicy turkey for Thanksgiving with no ham for substitutions.)

When the extraordinary filmmaker Spike Lee said “Do the Right Thing”, he was not just talking about making one of my favorite hit movies (which is good if people really like the movie and the actors, producers, and investors make a lot of money) but of the moral dilemmas we are faced with and the choices we make in our daily lives every day.

“Do the Right
Thing is a great film, a movie

“teeming with life, ablaze with sunny colors (mainly brilliant reds, oranges and yellows), pulsating with music, and charged with unresolved tensions and contradictions that gradually accumulate in the sweltering air. A variegated assortment of Bed-Stuy personalities bump into and bounce off of one another throughout the day, their myriad frictional encounters and moral dilemmas punctuated with potent bursts of humor.”

Today, the town of Munster can boast a community spirit of pride and not some spiral sliced and honey glazed “No School” sentiment that could never replace the true meaning of Thanksgiving: Turkey for All.

What a relief, this news, and just in time. This place is getting a little chilly and it's time for me to head back to California where the striking writers need all the support they can get, since 30 Rock and Colbert Report reruns start to get old after a while.



Wednesday, November 14, 2007

NOSCHOOLGATE: "No School" Middle School Greeting Dogs Thanksgiving


Munster, IN The leaves are turning and it sure is an Indian Summer around here in the leafy Midwestern hamlet of Munster. All of the kids and parents have been so warm and friendly --- like sharing cookies and Red Bull and Pollack jokes while assisting with my pup-tent as I stake out the scene; very different from 2Truthy’s neighborhood where asking for a ride around the Country Club on your neighbor’s golf cart elicits some very strange reactions, like calling the police. Now for today's exclusive NOSCHOOLGATE update.
After the jump…….
Glad that trampoline was there…

Anyway, here at my reporting outpost or what the locals are calling “Camp Quincy”, we have laid in wait all day with no success in smoking out the principal. It is now the end of the day and first of all, the big news is that the “No School” greeting is still on the Wilbur Wright Middle School kiosk. But guess what?

FOX NEWS is investigating the story and the word on the street (that’s code for I heard this second hand) is that there were TWO other middle schools in Munster who ALSO did not have “Happy Thanksgiving” greetings on their kiosk, too, but one of them just changed theirs! That leaves Wilbur Wright and Elliot holding the bag... Could this be some kind of a sign? Well, this tells us that if Wilbur Wright Middle School doesn’t change its sign soon before Elliot does, the last one in is a rotten egg, Mr. Principal ...

Alert: I just saw a slightly heavyset black woman climb out of a chauffer driven limousine across the street. Could it be Oprah?
Nobody else is getting out – and there is no camera crew in tow, either. Hmph. We’ll have to see if this is just some parent picking up a student in detention or the principal’s wife or special friend arriving to pick him up and dodge the paparazzi...

One of the tweens, Curtis, who has been hanging around my tent today was very philosophical and reminded me of Kahil Gibran. Curtis was wondering what the real reason was for not having a “Happy Thanksgiving” greeting in front of a school that demands you be there all day long, sit still, not talk, don’t chew gum, refrain from obscenities, tell the truth, turn your homework in on time, don’t be late, don’t namecall, raise your hand, bring your teachers apples and L’Air du Temps for holidays and special grades, and for what?” He said. “This is the thanks we get?”

But the best thing Curtis said was this:

“We don’t need no stinkin’ sign to tell us when there’s no school. Do they think we’re stupid? Since when do you have to have it in big letters “No School” to know when there’s no school? That’s the same thing as thinking somebody doesn’t know when their birthday is unless you put it up in big letters. Besides, all kids like Thanksgiving.”

Ok, so now we just have to wait and see what the principal's next move will be. And hope it doesn’t rain tomorrow. But if it does, Curtis has offered to let me use his mother’s car in exchange for a six-pack and a few rolls of quarters so he and his friends can have fun playing video games at the Southlake Mall tomorrow night.

Stay tuned,


Wednesday, November 7, 2007

TomTom Club: God-Allah Inc. Endorse GPS Navigation System

How Many Miles to Heaven?

When was the last time you asked God or Allah for directions? Did they tell you to “get lost”?

With a TomTom GPS Navigation System, the sky’s the limit. Break speed, break wind, see if we care.

…because the journey is the reward and when the board of directors of God-Allah Inc. (photo above courtesy Chicago's own Michigan Avenue "Mel" Toast) tell you to submit to one of these fucking things, JUST DO IT.

-TomTom GPS Navigation Systems-
don't leave Rome without it.


Friday, November 2, 2007

Dems say OOGABOOGA is Sw^iss C**e#e but OOGABOOGA says it’s SMELLY

Something Cheesy About OOGABOOGA

It’s the C^#ese. Clever accounting practices from the OOGABOOGA involve double-counting officials who hold one job but were appointed to fill another job as well. In fact, the OOGABOOGA has so many vacancies (like over 113) at the highest levels that the department has been likened to a large block of S@iss C#$ese. Read more HERE.

Rudderless ship in a hamster wheel?


Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Larry Craig Halloween Poetry Reading: The Raven

The Copper

The Copper

Once upon an airport dreary, while I sat there, old and leery, Through a quaint and spurious peering - peering through the bathroom door,
While I nodded, clearly crapping, suddenly I started tapping, Just like some old geezer rapping, rapping at his chamber door.`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at your chamber door -Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in that airport shitter, And each separate writhing member wrought its gaydar to the floor.Eagerly I formed my widestance - vainly I had sought to distanceFrom my briefcase on the commode – the commode behind my bathroom door.
For the rare and radiant copper whom the angels named – “Dumbledore!” Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken glad loud certain flushing sound from each stall door Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -This it is, and nothing more.

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore; My defense, said I, “I wasn’t tapping”, how do you know I wasn’t crapping? And so quickly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door, That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, Doubting, dreaming mortal means ever dared to dream before But the silence was unbroken, I believed the copper wasn’t jokin’,And the only word there spoken was the whispered words, “Dumbledore”,This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the words, “Dumbledore”-Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,Soon again I started tapping somewhat louder than before.`Surely,' thought I, `surely that is something at my loafer’s lattice;Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery through the door-Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -'Tis the shoe and nothing more!'

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,In there stepped a hunky copper equipped I hoped with lots of butter.Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;But, with mien of some Headmaster perched above my chamber door -Perched upon a bust of Phallus just above my chamber door -Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this hot copper beguiling my big fancy into smiling,By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,`Though thy crest be quite a whopper, thou,' I said, `art surely a copper. Ghastly grim and youthful copper, wandering around my bathroom door-Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Stall’s Plutonian shore!' Quoth the copper, `Nevermore.'

Much I marvelled this ungainly fuzz to hear discourse so plainly, Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore; For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being Ever yet was blessed with seeing buff cops above his chamber door -Cops or beasts above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,With such name as `Nevermore.'
But the copper, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only, That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour. Nothing further then he uttered - not Miranda Rights that he sputtered -Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have blown before -On the grand stand those charges shan’t dog me, as I have blown before.'Then the cop said, `Nevermore.'

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store, Caught likes some old gay Headmaster whom unmerciful disasterFollowed fast and followed faster till his sting one burden bore -Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore Of "Never-nevermore."'

But the copper still beguiling all my bad soul into smiling, Straight I wheeled a toilet seat in front of cop and bust and door; Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous cop of yore -What this trim, unportly, buff, and ominous cop of yoreMeant in croaking `Nevermore.'

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing To the cop whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core; This and more I sat divining, with my head and ass reclining On the toilet’s velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er, But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er, He shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the filthy floor.`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent theeRespite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of “Dumbledore!”,Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost “Dumbledore”-Quoth the copper, `Nevermore.'

“Oh Shit!”' said I, `thing of evil! – “Oh Shit! You little copper devil!” -Whether ensnarement, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore, Desolate yet all undaunted, in this airport stall enchanted -From this stall by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore! 'Quoth the copper, `Nevermore.'

`Oh Shit! ' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if cop or devil! Be that Halloween bends over for us - by that God we both adore -Tell this soul with unfair trapping, within the distant Free Speech wiretapping,It shall clasp a demented judge whom the angels named “Dumbledore!”Clasp a rare and radiant Justice whom the angels named “Dumbledore”? Quoth the copper, `Nevermore.'

`Be that word our sign of parting, cop or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -`Get thee back into the bathroom, behind the Stall’s Plutonian door!Leave no copped plea as a token of that lie thy hand hath spoken!Leave my slovenliness unbroken! - quit this bust above my door!Hear my tapping as a fart and take thy bust from off my door!'Quoth the copper, `Nevermore.'

And the copper, never flitting, still is sitting, while I’m shitting, On the pallid bust of Phallus just above my chamber door; And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming, And the lamp-light o'er him peering through the small crack in the door; And my foot from out that stall space that lies floating on the floorShall be lifted - nevermore!

Monday, October 29, 2007

India and The Gap Exlpoit Child Slave Labor

The Gap: Hillary Clinton, Queen of the “Free-Trade” Outsourcing Lobby

Still buying the flatworldian line about how “free trade” is so great for us and is lifting all boats? Or how all that cheap crap from job outsourcers like the GAP make this world a better place?

Obama’s peeps got one thing right: Hillary loves outsourcing our jobs AND all of the other good stuff that NAFTA “free-trade” deals allow: like Indian child slave labor that keeps a few wealthy GAP executives in Prada pantsuits while exploiting poor children from other lands. When you are an insulated elitist, it doesn’t matter anymore where you live or what nationality you are -– exploitation and slavery are just one elitist lobbyist phone call away.

There’s a “gap” alright between certain insulated candidates, America’s working class, and child slave labor that global elites of all stripes just don’t seem to care about.

Bill and Hillary are BFF to wealthy, super outsourcing fundraisers from India who run in fast circles of elites who seek to profit by replacing our jobs with Indian citizens at any human cost. Not only is presidential candidate Hillary Clinton beholden to corporate interests at the expense of working class Americans (like people not living off of stock dividends) as she accepts corporate gifts, financial rewards and favors in exchange for her commitment to selling our jobs to foreign elites from India, but HRC is the number ONE candidate that Indian lobbyists rely on for support in their elitist race to the bottom.

Hillary’s support for UN-FAIR trade agreements that promote corporate "guest worker" programs used to replace American white-collar workers with imported cheap, foreign labor has made her the darling among Indian elites who have everything to gain by outsourcing.

According to this Washington Post article "A Quiet Rainmaker", Hillary and Bill are tied to Indian “super fundraisers” who apparently are just not that into us – not just here, but in other countries like India where greedy elitists are creating a global ruling caste with a gap between the rich and poor so wide as to make the Plantation Society Days of yore look like Christmas.

No, with ‘friends’ like Hillary and Bill and 'Blah', the rest of us stand to lose in this global race to the bottom…which makes Hillary the absolutely worst candidate the Democrats could run.

Special Note: Good going for John Edwards, who today announced that he is going to stand up for American workers. Hallelujah! (Edwards is now officially out of 2Truthy’s doghouse.)

Hillary clearly does not belong in the White House. The insulated Clintons have reaped significant financial rewards from their gluttonous relationship with the Indian community, both in their personal finances, all the free curry that clogged Bill’s ticker and almost sent him to an early grave, and Hillary’s campaign fundraising.

Hillary Clinton, who is the co-chair of the Senate India Caucus has drawn criticism from anti-offshoring groups for her vocal support of Indian business and unwillingness to protect American jobs. She is no friend of the American people – or of the Indian slave labor children who her wealthy global corporatist supporters rely on to widen the gap between rich and poor through disastrous outsourcing practices.


Saturday, October 27, 2007

Larry Craig To Claim Sting Arrest UNCONSTISHOESONAL

Craig to Claim Sex Sting Arrest "UNCONSTISHOESONAL"

Seems an anti-gay gay Senator from Idaho can’t tap a shoe and take a dump at the same time without getting the book thrown at him. But now, Craig has had enough.

“That’s it. Hauling me in for foot tapping is just downright UNCONSTISHOESONAL!”

The Senator from Idaho confirms he will argue before an appeals court that Minnesota’s disorderly conduct law is unconstishoesonal as it applies to his allegedly misplaced size 13 loafer in the now legendary MSP airport bathroom stall scandal. He added

“How did you really know I was hand signaling and foot tapping and not just crapping? Huh? How do you know that?”

If Hands Could Talk. In a surprising twist, the newly emboldened Senator is coming back swinging, no small thanks to his new BFF, the ACLU, who have offered an ingenious defense. In an earlier friend-of-the-court filing, the ACLU argued that Craig's loafer tapping and hand gesturing under the stall at the MSP airport are protected by the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, which guarantees freedom of speech.

When Craig’s hand was asked what it thought it was doing when it reached under the stall, its response was unarguably simple:

I was trying to pick up a piece of paper on the floor that looked a little like the United States Constitution. Or toilet paper. ”


Muslim Prisoners Sue For Millions After Eating Ham Sandwiches For Ramadan

Winning the War on Pork

Leeds, England. Culinary critic and internationally acclaimed Pigs Rights champion, Quincy, stopped in England over the weekend on his way back from reporting on the Gay Vatican scandal.

“I’ve always enjoyed England in the fall”, noted Quincy, adding “I especially like riding around London with the smell of all that diesel fuel. Did you know that biodiesel smells like french fries?”

Reporting live from Leeds, Quincy, clad in a form fitting burqa, confirms that two hundred outraged Muslim inmates at a prison in England were forced to eat ham sandwiches during Ramadan for dinner. The menu items were apparently disguised as “cheese sandwiches” but actually contained boiled ham – something that should “never, ever, EVER” happen to anyone during Ramadan or “anywhere else”, according to Quincy, explaining

“It’s not just about ‘boiling’ ham. This most egregious rights violation signals an international disturbing trend. Not only is it a human rights violation to serve Muslims ham sandwiches at Ramadan, but this unsavory event is a global Pigs Rights issue of the highest order and must be stopped if Pigs are to achieve the same parity and equal rights as everybody else – from Muslim inmates, Monty Haulers and limo drivers, this is an issue that affects us all worldwide.”

Unsatisfied with the Prison’s official yet “feeble and flimsy” excuse of a menu printing error, Quincy grilled the Warden:

“Must we all be Meat Shields? Who needs a ham sandwich when we can have a Sara Lee cheesecake?

In retaliation for the menu offense, the Muslim prisoners are now demanding ten thousand pounds each in compensation, which Quincy describes as

“There is no price one can put on a pound of flesh.. As long as it’s not ten thousand pounds of ham or the OTHER white meat, it’s OK with me.”

What will the outcome be in the War on Pork? Quincy concludes

“Whole worlds of choices lie before us and yet, we as a global society continue to fall prey to the unseemly appetites of Muslim prisoners and Nation Cruise chefs when we could instead rise above the fray. After all, life is more than a forced dietary menu consisting of ham. What we all need to do right now is remove any traces of ham from our diets once and for all. Veto the pork!”

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Suspended Vatican Priest Has List Of Gay Colleagues


Holy See, Batman! Quincy’s Exclusive Report From The Curia, Vatican City, Rome

Quincy, the savant journalist formerly from North Carolina, has confirmed early this morning that a monsignor identified during an undercover teevee broadcast who allegedly had his “gaydar going off all over the place while the cameras were rolling only he didn’t even KNOW about it” did indeed make overtures to some guy he chatted with on the Italian internet and to whom he insisted “gay sex was not sinful.”

Quincy has now learned that the not-supposed-to-be-gay gay Vatican monsignor, Thomasso Stenico -- whose job was to act as enforcer of proper, priestly service --- now says that he knows “a whole bunch of other gay priests who he doesn’t want to have to sqeal on.” Facing the distinct possibility of not making Bishop over this not so holy look and see, the pair has nonetheless become good friends during the scandal, prompting Quincy’s expression of deep concern for the monsignor, carefully noting

“Tommy is visibly distraught over the threat of becoming defrocked – which, in laymen’s terms, is serious Italian hankycode for “losing your shirt for good around here.”

Quincy reports that Tommy got sick and tired of the unfair interviewer lady asking him if “it is a sin to be gay” over and over again so many times that he basically kicked her sneaky ass out of the Curia as he “showed her the lift.”

Quincy’s skyclad attempt to gain access to the exclusive and extensive Italian gay priest list has had the pair sporting around Rome all day in a leased, 1961 black De Soto which Quincy briskly says is “just like driving the Batmobile.” Well into the evening, the two have reportedly spared no expense as they wined and dined at Il Pastorello on the Vatican expense account.

Although it is evening in Rome and Quincy is no longer answering his iPhone, stealth, live videocam sources reveal that the monsignor and Quincy are now zooming into Milan to shop around for some scalped Armani sport jackets and if time permits, a drive over to the Pirelli’s majestic villa for a nightcap and to pick up a tire for the one that blew out on the De Soto.

In keeping with the Law of Threefold Return and in a move not unlike returning the head of Bobafet, Quincy vows that his expressed mission is to

“secure the gay priest list and return it safely to the Pope before the Associated Press “get their sticky neopagan fingers on it.”

In a brief meeting with the Pope, Quincy reveals that he deflected the entire question of whether Tommy should get his old job back since it was unfair that he was being filmed when he didn’t think he was:

“Pope, Father Sir, Just because Tommy is gay but not supposed to be in order for him to get to be Bishop is no reason to give him the sack”, implored Quincy.

When asked what Quincy would be going as for Halloween upon his return home to San Francisco, he hinted

“I’m not sure yet, but after meeting with the Pope, I’m thinking about going as Jesus, or maybe Larry Craig’s loafer.”

Ciao bella, Everybody!