Dear Mr. Bob Woodward,
It's me, QUINCY.
I am responding to your advertisement in JournalismJobs.com
for the NEW FULL-TIME ASSISTANT position.
My many superlative administrative skills include touch typing, answering multi-line phones, balancing and serving coffee on my snout, insulting offensive partisan Beltway insiders and poseurs who dress up in sheep's clothing (believe me, I can smell them a MILE away),
and in discretely keeping all other nuisance bearing SOBs at bay. My references are of the finest calibre, bar none (available upon request.)
In addition, I am fluent in four languages including French, German, Spanish and Farsi and am available to handle high-level translations between any CIA or NSA mole or terrorist as needed. I am not, however, available to start until late January as 2Truthy is taking me to the SUNDANCE Film Festival so would that still be OK?
Also, your ad did not disclose the salary or the perks...Please send all confidential inquiries to 2Truthy's email address below as I don't have my own email account yet due to my recent move. Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you.
I can't wait to become your NEW FULL-TIME ASSISTANT!
c/o 2Truthy at email@example.com
Los Altos, CA
P.S. 2Truthy's husband lived down the way from you in Wheaton, IL