Friday, July 25, 2008

Obama Declares War On Santa Claus (But Loves Sleepovers!)

Obama Declares War on Santa Claus

Ok, that’s it.

In addition to losing the war on arrogance and hubris, Barack Obama has stunned the nation -- no, let’s make that the whole world --- by revealing to People Magazine in this shocking interview that he prohibits Santa Claus from making annual Christmas stop-overs at their expansive, three-story Georgian style Hyde Park mansion in the leafy, exclusive Hyde Park neighborhood he calls “home” on Chicago’s South Side. Meanwhile, Barry is parading around Germany as horribly boring rumors circulate that a big, fat October Surpirse is in the works for the Democratic hopeful leader of the arrogant world.

But don’t worry. Obama wants you to believe in nobody else but him. Period. That way, you’ll no longer have to donate money to your favorite churches or charities or heaven forbid, blow it on a family member.

Determined to “teach some limits” around the Hyde Park household, the Harvard educated, iron fisted father and disciplinarian of two elaborated on the draconian measures he takes by emulating Dickens as he pays one of his daughters a measly $1 dollar "allowance" per week for performing undisclosed acts of child labor. As if that was all he did to ensure servitude, the O-Man maintains a unique McBamaScrooge policy of entirely skipping birthday presents for his two young and adorable girls each year!

In People Magazine’s exclusive interview with his wife, Michelle, and his two young daughters of Santa believing age, the presumed Democratic presidential nominee officially declared his war on Christmas and how much birthdays are for low-lifes with these words:

PEOPLE: Someone told me today that you don't do birthday presents.

Michelle: No, because we spend hundreds of dollars on a birthday party and movie tickets and pizza and popcorn ...

Barack: That sleepover is enough. We want to teach some limits to them. And their friends bring over presents.

Michelle: They get so much stuff that it just becomes numbing. Malia believes there is still a Santa Claus even though she's a little wary because some of her friends are non-believers. But Malia says, "Ma, I know there is a Santa because there's no way you'd buy me all that stuff." [Laughing]

Hahahahha, but wait! There’s good news!

The Obama’s DO have SLUMBER PARTIES and they sound soooo exciting! I wonder if Barry allows the girls to smoke? (No, scratch that thought.) Yum-yum-yummy…

So what does a slumber party at the Obama house look like?

Barack: They're pretty noisy.
Michelle: The older they get, they just talk a lot. But they're at the age where they're pretty self-sufficient. [For Malia's birthday] we're going to go swimming, see Wall-E, make pizzas, have sundaes.
Barack: I usually go for the swim but this time I want to go to the movie just because Wall-E has gotten great reviews. I find actually that children's movies are the best movies these days. But I'll probably, after that, peel off until the cake.
Michelle: [Laughs] "Peel off."

Happy Friday, Loserettes!



Santa Claus said...

My legal name is Santa Claus; and, I'm a candidate for President of the United States, permitted in 16 states, so far. I'm running because Obama and McCain refuse to discuss the plight of the 2 million children in the US annually whoa are abused, neglected, exploited, abandoned, homeless, and institutionalized. In addition, there are 50 million adults--voters--who were in the same position these vulnerable children in dire circumstances are today. That's a huge voting bloc! Please visit to learn more.

2Truthy said...

Lots of luck, Santa, since your job is to cobble toys at the North Pole and bring them to me on Christmas, if I were you, I wouldn't quit my day job...

But I'm voting for a REAL candidate, Ralph Nader, and not one of those two corporate shills dragging this country down.

Think hard, Santa. Support Nader.