Ensign's Approval Ratings Drop After Dropping Pants
POLITICAL BEDSHEET SPECIAL REPORT
The GOP continues to embarrass itself with its pathetic attempts to trump the all-time King of Hypocrisy, Larry “Latrine Lothario” I am not gay, oh no, no way Craig.
Notorious Nevada Senator “Promise Keeper” John Ensign of “The Gambling & Whorehouse State” and his approval ratings took a staggering blow as shocking news of his nine-month affair with a campaign staffer - a WOMAN -- surfaced according to a new Las Vegas Review-Journal poll:
“The poll, conducted by Mason-Dixon Polling & Research Inc., shows that Ensign's 53 percent May approval rating fell to 39 percent and the percentage of people who now hold an unfavorable view of the senator is up 19 percent from a month ago.”
Another local poll conducted by esteemed Las Vegas pole dancer “Fawny Bunny” of the Sunset Strip revealed what most of the public already knows in their hearts: the lying, scheming sanctimonious GOP is going down, as their Senators hopelessly and unsuccessfully scramble to topple the unrivalled King of Hypocrisy, Larry the “Bathroom Goblin” Craig by emulating the adulterous sex-scandal habits of boring heathen Democrats like the un-churchy Kennedy, Hart, Clinton and Edwards etc. who all prefer to confine their lust to the opposite sex and outside of bathroom stalls.
Ms. Bunny also affirmed the Las Vegas Review-Journal report on Ensign's lurid affair with a member of the opposite sex by adding:
"When his pants dropped for a woman, his numbers obviously dropped, too. He's clearly suffered untold damage because of this," Bunny said. "But it could be a lot worse for Ensign. He could have been gay. Then he would have had to compete with Larry “The Bathroom Goblin” Craig and all hell would have broken out in the GOP. The really significant question is that only 29 percent think he should resign right away for having sex with a married woman while an overwhelming majority believe he should forever hang his head in shame for not cruising airport men's rooms. He does still have the ability to stay on and turn this around."
Splendid! As for the fate of the beleaguered Gay Old Party (GOP) of Family Values this report quotes Larry Sabato, head of the Institute for Politics at the University of Virginia as he offers his assessment of the Las Vegas Review-Journal on how all hope is not lost for Ensign:
"That sure says something, that the guy involved in the adultery scandal is the most popular senior elected official in the state. I don't know what it says, but it says something."
Hold onto your trousers, GOP. It's going to be a bumpy fight...