2Truthy's Happy Friday Hour: Nellie McKay

Nellie McKay: A cross between Rickie Lee Jones and Billie Holliday

Happy Friday, Loserettes!

-2Truthy

Henry Hyde: Dead

“When I cross the river for the last time, my thoughts will be of the House, the House, the House."

-Henry Hyde, repeating what he overheard a father of four from Hoboken say on the tee vee about the subprime mortgage scandal.

Chicago’s own Henry Hyde, former Democrat turned Republican Congressman who had an affair with a married woman in his forties and went on to lead the charge in Bill Clinton’s impeachment trial over his indiscretion with White House intern Monica Lewinsky died early this morning at the age of 83.


Hyde was best known for the Hyde Amendment. If anyone couldn’t keep their rosaries out of somebody else’s ovaries, it was Congressman Hyde:

"Hyde represented a GOP district in suburban Chicago and cut his teeth on the rough-and-tumble politics of the city. He served in the state legislature before being elected to Congress in 1974. Not long after, he sponsored the Hyde Amendment, which essentially banned federally funded abortions. It passed in 1976."

In addition to the well liked, Irish Catholic Congressman with the “sharp wit” who was respected by “both sides of the aisle”, Hyde went on to soak Chicago land taxpayers an estimated $68 million during the Clyde Federal Savings and Loan scandal. Hyde, after leaving left the S&L, insisted that he engaged in no wrongdoing and was the only director who refused to contribute $850,000 settlement that eventually led to the lawsuit's dismissal. Henry Hyde was also a stand-up comedian.

-2Truthy

Citigroup to Slash 45,000 Workers

And in the "First World," they are hard at work, diligently trying to eliminate the middle class.

"Corporations Are People, Too."

Charles "Chuck" Prince is stepping down as chairman and chief executive of Citigroup Inc. with stock and retirement benefits worth about $60 million, at the very same time plans to slash as many as 45,000 workers from the payroll in order in what is being referred to as a massive “layoff” in order to “position our businesses in line with economic realities," said a Citi spokeswoman.



How do they sleep at night? Oh, that’s right. With Blackwater security patrols surrounding their gated, moated properties, dreaming of plebes eating cake, as victors in this war on the middle class while the middle class sleeps.

-2Truthy

Romney and Obama on the Same Ticket?

Mitt and Barack: Long Lost Cousins After All?

We absolutely don't care if there's a Muslim in the White House because now that we know Mormons and Muslims are practically or probably the same religion, all good Christians can safely bet on a Romney/Obama ticket to take them to the next One Big Money Party level.


In fact, the more we learn about the non-Christian, self-proclaimed Christian faith of multiple wives Mormonism and its second or ninety-eighth cousin six times removed religion of Islam, the more we find that it is impossibly likely that founders Muhammad and John Smith enjoyed getting laid a whole lot more than all of the other status quo religious spirit children combined back in the day.


Here’s a little story that (above video) that tells you everything you need to know about how the Mormon Jesus and NOT that one who lived someplace in the Middle East a couple thousand years ago is the right one for America. Not only that, but check out how much Barack Obama and his lobbyist pals and Mitt have so much in common by clicking on the links below. So go grab yourself a box of Pepperidge Farm pirouettes and a coke, sit back, tell your boss to fuck off and watch the video.
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Doesn’t this just make you want to call up Martha Stewart’s boyfriend and head straight to outerspace?


The parallels between the two religions and candidates are nothing short of perplexing (or baffling, depending on which team you bat for.) Since we already know about the sober-thinking and sober-reasoning practice of dead Muslim men getting the 72 virgins thing and, to be fair, Islam was around before Mormonism officially ignited sometime around 1833 in the Midwest before John Smith got thrown out of there (we don’t know if it was for boffing the mayor’s wife ), these two religions go together just like soup and sandwich (sans the ham) or like Dems and Repubs or like, hey yeah, Mitt and Barack! Stand them sideways and ask them about their policies and non-policies on Iraq, healthcare, immigration, drivers licenses, their mutual commitment to selling out jobs, Trent Lott’s resignation, who has more of many of the same lobbyists on their team and why, you can hardly see them!


Just think: a vote for these two can save your immortal soul some political capital before Congressman Dr. Ron Paul beats you to it and spends it all on fake gold doubloons that may be tainted with lead or melamine or some other shit from China.

-2Truthy

Imus and Airwave Pollution: Where's Al Gore When You Need Him?

“If there's no redemption, what are we here for?" -James Carville


Don Imus Back on the Airwaves December 3

“If there's no redemption, what are we here for?" What does that mean?

Let’s see now…does Carville mean that if Imus doesn’t get to have his old high paying job back and get to call half of the Rutgers University women’s basketball team “nappy headed hos” again, that Imus has no other redeeming, worldly purpose here on earth? Could it be?


Don Imus is coming back to the airwaves after making offensive comments about a few female Rutgers basketball players. Rory O’Connor explains how the ten “Imus Enablers” and the lure of the trough keeps this incestuous band of ham hocks glued together in this AlterNet article

“It didn't take long for the Don Imus enablers to re-emerge. Just months after the racist, sexist and homophobic shock jock was fired for his on-air characterization of the Rutgers University women's basketball team as "nappy-headed ho's" -- and less than two weeks after Citadel Broadcasting announced his impending return to radio -- the Big Media and Big Politics elite are crawling out of the woodwork to embrace Imus all over again.”

When it comes to sticking up for his pal Imus for his misogynistic, racial slur, Carville goes on to say that he defends the speaker, not the speech.


That’s swell, if you have no principles. But shouldn’t he BLAME the speaker and condemn the speech he gave? All the redemption in the world can’t retract what Imus said about these student basketball players who did nothing to him. Why reward this guy by giving him back his old job when there are plenty of others who could replace him? Yes, there are plenty of radio professionals who could fill the I-Man’s shoes if given the chance. But noooooo……


Sure, Carville can defend a morally bankrupt pal all he wants, but there is nothing moral or principled in doing so. Rather, the old guns don’t kill, people kill argument applies here when it comes to what Imus said about the Rutgers basketball team: Words were the weapon of choice that demeaned and belittled a group of female minority students, wielded by some ROWG with a microphone and an audience of over ten million (some of whom, no doubt, were rallied on by this racial and misogynistic slur) and yet, rather than replace Imus with another talented radio disc jockey, they call him back?


Forget about the hate speeches against women and the cheap laughs. Oh, it’s all for the money, and the soulless, enabler friends and audience ghouls who gobble up such Imus epithets like

"brillohead, dark meat, Mandingos, Uncle Ben, gooks, chinks, slanty-eyed bastards, queers, homos, ho's, lesbos, gorillas, pimps, and knuckle-dragging."

It’s a proud day in hell, to be sure, for all of those tractor pulling motherfuckers out there who think Imus and his hypocritical, corporate welfare voting, Hillary loving enablers are shining role models of redemption here in the United States of Corporate America. It's true.


Slur onwards, Don Imus! Your pitchfork awaits you!

-2Truthy

Victory! Wilbur Wright Middle School Lifts Ban on "Happy Thanksgiving" Greeting

FROM THE DESK OF QUINCY

HAPPY THANKSGIVING VICTORY AT WILBUR WRIGHT MIDDLE SCHOOL
-MUNSTER, INDIANA PRINCIPAL DOES THE RIGHT THING-

EXCLUSIVE NOSCHOOLGATE UPDATE: Wilbur Wright Middle School Lifts Ban on “Happy Thanksgiving” Greeting



Hooray Principal Harkibus! Who did the right thing!

Justice has been served today on a silver platter, as Principal Harkibus replaced the “No School” greeting on the Wilbur Wright Middle School’s kiosk to “Happy Thanksgiving.”


All the kids and parents today can give thanks for having a courageous principal who stood up to the shadowy Grinches who almost stole the “Happy Thanksgiving” Greeting from the Wilbur Wright Middle School’s kiosk in this leafy hamlet of Munster. (And kids, you have an anonymous parent and at least one reporter whose identities remain undisclosed to thank for championing the cause. Just don’t forget to remind your parents to prepare a nice, juicy turkey for Thanksgiving with no ham for substitutions.)


When the extraordinary filmmaker Spike Lee said “Do the Right Thing”, he was not just talking about making one of my favorite hit movies (which is good if people really like the movie and the actors, producers, and investors make a lot of money) but of the moral dilemmas we are faced with and the choices we make in our daily lives every day.

“Do the Right Thing” is a great film, a movie

“teeming with life, ablaze with sunny colors (mainly brilliant reds, oranges and yellows), pulsating with music, and charged with unresolved tensions and contradictions that gradually accumulate in the sweltering air. A variegated assortment of Bed-Stuy personalities bump into and bounce off of one another throughout the day, their myriad frictional encounters and moral dilemmas punctuated with potent bursts of humor.”

Today, the town of Munster can boast a community spirit of pride and not some spiral sliced and honey glazed “No School” sentiment that could never replace the true meaning of Thanksgiving: Turkey for All.

What a relief, this news, and just in time. This place is getting a little chilly and it's time for me to head back to California where the striking writers need all the support they can get, since 30 Rock and Colbert Report reruns start to get old after a while.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY!

QUINCY

NOSCHOOLGATE: "No School" Middle School Greeting Dogs Thanksgiving

FROM THE DESK OF QUINCY

SPECIAL REPORT: QUINCY LIVEBLOGS FROM THE WILBUR WRIGHT MIDDLE SCHOOL CAMPUS

Munster, IN The leaves are turning and it sure is an Indian Summer around here in the leafy Midwestern hamlet of Munster. All of the kids and parents have been so warm and friendly --- like sharing cookies and Red Bull and Pollack jokes while assisting with my pup-tent as I stake out the scene; very different from 2Truthy’s neighborhood where asking for a ride around the Country Club on your neighbor’s golf cart elicits some very strange reactions, like calling the police. Now for today's exclusive NOSCHOOLGATE update.
After the jump…….
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Glad that trampoline was there…

Anyway, here at my reporting outpost or what the locals are calling “Camp Quincy”, we have laid in wait all day with no success in smoking out the principal. It is now the end of the day and first of all, the big news is that the “No School” greeting is still on the Wilbur Wright Middle School kiosk. But guess what?

FOX NEWS is investigating the story and the word on the street (that’s code for I heard this second hand) is that there were TWO other middle schools in Munster who ALSO did not have “Happy Thanksgiving” greetings on their kiosk, too, but one of them just changed theirs! That leaves Wilbur Wright and Elliot holding the bag... Could this be some kind of a sign? Well, this tells us that if Wilbur Wright Middle School doesn’t change its sign soon before Elliot does, the last one in is a rotten egg, Mr. Principal ...

Alert: I just saw a slightly heavyset black woman climb out of a chauffer driven limousine across the street. Could it be Oprah?

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Nobody else is getting out – and there is no camera crew in tow, either. Hmph. We’ll have to see if this is just some parent picking up a student in detention or the principal’s wife or special friend arriving to pick him up and dodge the paparazzi...

One of the tweens, Curtis, who has been hanging around my tent today was very philosophical and reminded me of Kahil Gibran. Curtis was wondering what the real reason was for not having a “Happy Thanksgiving” greeting in front of a school that demands you be there all day long, sit still, not talk, don’t chew gum, refrain from obscenities, tell the truth, turn your homework in on time, don’t be late, don’t namecall, raise your hand, bring your teachers apples and L’Air du Temps for holidays and special grades, and for what?” He said. “This is the thanks we get?”

But the best thing Curtis said was this:

“We don’t need no stinkin’ sign to tell us when there’s no school. Do they think we’re stupid? Since when do you have to have it in big letters “No School” to know when there’s no school? That’s the same thing as thinking somebody doesn’t know when their birthday is unless you put it up in big letters. Besides, all kids like Thanksgiving.”

Ok, so now we just have to wait and see what the principal's next move will be. And hope it doesn’t rain tomorrow. But if it does, Curtis has offered to let me use his mother’s car in exchange for a six-pack and a few rolls of quarters so he and his friends can have fun playing video games at the Southlake Mall tomorrow night.

Stay tuned,

QUINCY

TomTom Club: God-Allah Inc. Endorse GPS Navigation System

How Many Miles to Heaven?

When was the last time you asked God or Allah for directions? Did they tell you to “get lost”?

With a TomTom GPS Navigation System, the sky’s the limit. Break speed, break wind, see if we care.

…because the journey is the reward and when the board of directors of God-Allah Inc. (photo above courtesy Chicago's own Michigan Avenue "Mel" Toast) tell you to submit to one of these fucking things, JUST DO IT.

-TomTom GPS Navigation Systems-

don't leave Rome without it.

-2Truthy

Dems say OOGABOOGA is Sw^iss C**e#e but OOGABOOGA says it’s SMELLY

Something Cheesy About OOGABOOGA

It’s the C^#ese. Clever accounting practices from the OOGABOOGA involve double-counting officials who hold one job but were appointed to fill another job as well. In fact, the OOGABOOGA has so many vacancies (like over 113) at the highest levels that the department has been likened to a large block of S@iss C#$ese. Read more HERE.

Rudderless ship in a hamster wheel?

-2Truthy