Friday, November 30, 2007

2Truthy's Happy Friday Hour: Nellie McKay

Nellie McKay: A cross between Rickie Lee Jones and Billie Holliday
Happy Friday, Loserettes!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Henry Hyde: Dead

“When I cross the river for the last time, my thoughts will be of the House, the House, the House."

-Henry Hyde, repeating what he overheard a father of four from Hoboken say on the tee vee about the subprime mortgage scandal.

Chicago’s own Henry Hyde, former Democrat turned Republican Congressman who had an affair with a married woman in his forties and went on to lead the charge in Bill Clinton’s impeachment trial over his indiscretion with White House intern Monica Lewinsky died early this morning at the age of 83.

Hyde was best known for the Hyde Amendment. If anyone couldn’t keep their rosaries out of somebody else’s ovaries, it was Congressman Hyde:

"Hyde represented a GOP district in suburban Chicago and cut his teeth on the rough-and-tumble politics of the city. He served in the state legislature before being elected to Congress in 1974. Not long after, he sponsored the Hyde Amendment, which essentially banned federally funded abortions. It passed in 1976."

In addition to the well liked, Irish Catholic Congressman with the “sharp wit” who was respected by “both sides of the aisle”, Hyde went on to soak Chicago land taxpayers an estimated $68 million during the Clyde Federal Savings and Loan scandal. Hyde, after leaving left the S&L, insisted that he engaged in no wrongdoing and was the only director who refused to contribute $850,000 settlement that eventually led to the lawsuit's dismissal. Henry Hyde was also a stand-up comedian.


Broadway Stagehand Strike Ends

Broadway Stagehand Srike Ends
Now, will the professional sector start kicking ass?
The League of American Theaters and Producers and about 3,000 members of Local 1 representing about 3,000 Broadway’s theatre district stagehands have hammered out a new contract with theater owners and producers, ending the stagehand strike. The news was announced last night by the president of the local Actor's Equity during the curtain calls for Wednesday night's performance of "Young Frankenstein."

New York officials estimated the strike was costing the city $2 million a day, which made getting a table at Sardi’s incredibly easy as the restaurant estimated over a 35% loss of business, providing patrons a more relaxing dining experience where they were free to stretch out horizontally in the booths without getting any blowback from the Hostess/Matre’de. Not only that, but tickets for Chicago bottomed out at $26.50 per seat, a ginormous drop from the regular $111.50. Get a ticket!

Why did Broadway’s stagehands strike? The key sticking points of the strike had focused on the number of stagehands required to work on Broadway shows. From the beginning, the league had argued that the previous contract, which expired July 31, had required it to hire too many employees, an arrangement that some likened to featherbedding.But Local 1 members contended that the league’s proposed cutbacks threatened workplace safety and jeopardized hard-won jobs.

So what is Featherbedding? Usually when a group of workers strike, it is because they are being screwed by their corporate welfare king masters, working under unreasonable conditions or not getting paid enough for the work they are doing/overtime to adjust for cost of living/inflation, or all of the above. The stagehand strike was no different, as millions of professionals across sectors in this country are experiencing a disturbing Grapes of Wrath style, feudal lord technique known as featherbedding:

Featherbedding is a pejorative term for the practice of hiring more workers than are needed to perform a given job, or to adopt work procedures which appear pointless, complex and time-consuming merely to employ additional workers.[1] The term "make-work" is sometimes used as a synonym for featherbedding.

Studies have demonstrated what we all know: that there is no computer scientist/engineering labor shortage but rather, a shortage of JOBS for our educated computer scientists and programmers just as there is no shortage of big campaign lobbyist $$$ from the country that is taking our professional jobs: India. So why heap on a bunch of immigrants for jobs when there aren't even enough of them to go around for our own citizens in this sector?
It is important to understand what drove the stagehands to strike and how, just as collective bargaining is imperative to their livelihoods, corporate watchdogging is necessary yet non-existent in professional sectors such as high technology and finance where there is no collective bargaining power or unionization representation to counter plummeting wages and lost jobs due to unfair immigration policies (insourcing/outsourcing) that sell our white collar workers’ jobs out to the third world.

The Great Labor Shortage Lie. Most technology startups and corporations, for example, hire more programmers than are necessary and the compensation packages have steadily plummeted since the early 1990’s when the H-1B visa program began screwing programmers by insourcing jobs for a fraction of their comp plans to 2-6 immigrants when the job could and can be done by one professional here.

But now that the former vice president turned businessman with beltway ties Al Gore , (he’s the good guy, right?) is in the sheets with the tech sector (Google, Apple, Etc.), maybe he can secretly, discretely put the brakes on this whole immigration scam once and for all, and serve as a shiny role model for civility by influencing a big, fat , time-out on this out of control “labor shortage/education shortage” myth from within.

What’s that sound?
Crickets chirping?


Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Muslims Arrest British School Teacher in Sudan for Naming Teddy Bear Muhammad


 "Don't worry, Mrs. Gibbons. I'm coming. Between the cowering entertainment and technology elites who really run this country and the doorpost, your guess is as good as mine as to why our troops or Britain's just don't storm those bastards and airlift you out of that Sudanse slammer."
-Michigan Avenue Mel Toast

Hey, Sudanese Muslims: Were You Born an Asshole?

If this doesn’t piss you off, you’re an asshole. 

What IS it about Muslims and the long since dead prophet Muhammad that makes them want to jail and wail a devoted schoolteacher for allowing her pupils to name their class teddy bear Mohammed? You think they’d be flattered. But nooooooooo…

Mrs. Gibbons, 54, a teacher at the Unity School in Khartoum, Sudan, was arrested on Sunday on “suspicion of insulting Islam's prophet” after a complaint was made to Sudan's Ministry of Education. She was actually charged under article 125 of the Sudanese Criminal Code as there is obviously, in the Muslim religion, no separation of church and state. If Mrs. Gibbons is found guilty, she could be given 40 lashes, a fine or a six-month jail term. 

Is anyone coming to this poor woman’s rescue? Check out the only thing that the wimpy, one-eyed trouser snake wanker Prime Minister Gordon Brown’s spokesman said:

"We are surprised and disappointed by this development and the Foreign Secretary will summon as a matter of urgency the Sudanese ambassador to discuss the matter further." 

"Surprised and Disappointed??" That's ALL? Huh? Isn’t this why God created bazookas and cannons if not to rescue innocent people from batshit crazies? 

Note to Muslims: better not try to pull this shit here in the good old U S of A because we have plenty of guys packin’ heat over here with names like Gomer and Spike and JoeBob who would not be afraid to rip someone a new one for throwing a helpless schoolteacher in jail for such horseshit. Even if Dubya flips us the bird and tells us the Constitution is only a piece of paper, we still take separation of church and state seriously …civilized people do not do this shit. Get a clue or clone a civilization gene. And get a sense of humor and layoff the Danish cartoonists, dammit.

Where is Oprah or Condi or Angelina or Mia or Madonna or Al Gore any fuckingbody in the first world to storm this Sudanese jail and deploy an elite private paramilitary force of around, say, three hundred soldiers and four or five attack helicopters when you need them? And where is the voice of the Muslim mosque world (Imams) that are supposedly civilized to demand that Mrs. Gibbons go free right now? And why isn’t this story plastered all over the HuffPo? Oh, right. Political correctness doesn’t allow for standing up to a bunch of cretins. Check. 


Losing the War on Humor was spawned by yours truly after reading about the scary and unreal, actual threats and a fatwa against some Danish cartoonists in 2005.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Citigroup to Slash 45,000 Workers

And in the "First World," they are hard at work, diligently trying to eliminate the middle class.

"Corporations Are People, Too."

Charles "Chuck" Prince is stepping down as chairman and chief executive of Citigroup Inc. with stock and retirement benefits worth about $60 million, at the very same time plans to slash as many as 45,000 workers from the payroll in order in what is being referred to as a massive “layoff” in order to “position our businesses in line with economic realities," said a Citi spokeswoman.

How do they sleep at night? Oh, that’s right. With Blackwater security patrols surrounding their gated, moated properties, dreaming of plebes eating cake, as victors in this war on the middle class while the middle class sleeps.


Saturday, November 24, 2007

Romney and Obama on the Same Ticket?

Mitt and Barack: Long Lost Cousins After All?

We absolutely don't care if there's a Muslim in the White House because now that we know Mormons and Muslims are practically or probably the same religion, all good Christians can safely bet on a Romney/Obama ticket to take them to the next One Big Money Party level.

In fact, the more we learn about the non-Christian, self-proclaimed Christian faith of multiple wives Mormonism and its second or ninety-eighth cousin six times removed religion of Islam, the more we find that it is impossibly likely that founders Muhammad and John Smith enjoyed getting laid a whole lot more than all of the other status quo religious spirit children combined back in the day.

Here’s a little story that (above video) that tells you everything you need to know about how the Mormon Jesus and NOT that one who lived someplace in the Middle East a couple thousand years ago is the right one for America. Not only that, but check out how much Barack Obama and his lobbyist pals and Mitt have so much in common by clicking on the links below. So go grab yourself a box of Pepperidge Farm pirouettes and a coke, sit back, tell your boss to fuck off and watch the video.
Doesn’t this just make you want to call up Martha Stewart’s boyfriend and head straight to

The parallels between the two religions and candidates are nothing short of perplexing (or baffling, depending on which team you bat for.) Since we already know about the sober-thinking and sober-reasoning practice of dead Muslim men getting the 72 virgins thing and, to be fair, Islam was around before Mormonism officially ignited sometime around 1833 in the Midwest before John Smith got thrown out of there (we don’t know if it was for boffing the mayor’s wife ), these two religions go together just like soup and sandwich (sans the ham) or like Dems and Repubs or like, hey yeah, Mitt and Barack! Stand them sideways and ask them about their policies and non-policies on
Iraq, healthcare, immigration, drivers licenses, their mutual commitment to selling out jobs, Trent Lott’s resignation, who has more of many of the same lobbyists on their team and why, you can hardly see them!

Just think: a vote for these two can save your immortal soul some political capital before Congressman Dr. Ron Paul beats you to it and spends it all on fake gold doubloons that may be tainted with lead or melamine or some other shit from China.


Imus and Airwave Pollution: Where's Al Gore When You Need Him?

“If there's no redemption, what are we here for?" -James Carville

Don Imus Back on the Airwaves December 3

“If there's no redemption, what are we here for?" What does that mean?

Let’s see now…does Carville mean that if Imus doesn’t get to have his old high paying job back and get to call half of the Rutgers University women’s basketball team “nappy headed hos” again, that Imus has no other redeeming, worldly purpose here on earth? Could it be?

Don Imus is coming back to the airwaves after making offensive comments about a few female Rutgers basketball players. Rory O’Connor explains how the ten “Imus Enablers” and the lure of the trough keeps this incestuous band of ham hocks glued together in this AlterNet article

“It didn't take long for the Don Imus enablers to re-emerge. Just months after the racist, sexist and homophobic shock jock was fired for his on-air characterization of the Rutgers University women's basketball team as "nappy-headed ho's" -- and less than two weeks after Citadel Broadcasting announced his impending return to radio -- the Big Media and Big Politics elite are crawling out of the woodwork to embrace Imus all over again.”

When it comes to sticking up for his pal Imus for his misogynistic, racial slur, Carville goes on to say that he defends the speaker, not the speech.

That’s swell, if you have no principles. But shouldn’t he BLAME the speaker and condemn the speech he gave? All the redemption in the world can’t retract what Imus said about these student basketball players who did nothing to him. Why reward this guy by giving him back his old job when there are plenty of others who could replace him? Yes, there are plenty of radio professionals who could fill the I-Man’s shoes if given the chance. But noooooo……

Sure, Carville can defend a morally bankrupt pal all he wants, but there is nothing moral or principled in doing so. Rather, the old guns don’t kill, people kill argument applies here when it comes to what Imus said about the Rutgers basketball team: Words were the weapon of choice that demeaned and belittled a group of female minority students, wielded by some ROWG with a microphone and an audience of over ten million (some of whom, no doubt, were rallied on by this racial and misogynistic slur) and yet, rather than replace Imus with another talented radio disc jockey, they call him back?

Forget about the hate speeches against women and the cheap laughs. Oh, it’s all for the money, and the soulless, enabler friends and audience ghouls who gobble up such Imus epithets like

"brillohead, dark meat, Mandingos, Uncle Ben, gooks, chinks, slanty-eyed bastards, queers, homos, ho's, lesbos, gorillas, pimps, and knuckle-dragging."

It’s a proud day in hell, to be sure, for all of those tractor pulling motherfuckers out there who think Imus and his hypocritical, corporate welfare voting, Hillary loving enablers are shining role models of redemption here in the United States of Corporate America. It's true.

Slur onwards, Don Imus! Your pitchfork awaits you!


Monday, November 19, 2007

Victory! Wilbur Wright Middle School Lifts Ban on "Happy Thanksgiving" Greeting



EXCLUSIVE NOSCHOOLGATE UPDATE: Wilbur Wright Middle School Lifts Ban on “Happy Thanksgiving” Greeting

Hooray Principal Harkibus! Who did the right thing!

Justice has been served today on a silver platter, as Principal Harkibus replaced the “No School” greeting on the Wilbur Wright Middle School’s kiosk to “Happy Thanksgiving.”

All the kids and parents today can give thanks for having a courageous principal who stood up to the shadowy Grinches who almost stole the “Happy Thanksgiving” Greeting from the Wilbur Wright Middle School’s kiosk in this leafy hamlet of Munster. (And kids, you have an anonymous parent and at least one reporter whose identities remain undisclosed to thank for championing the cause. Just don’t forget to remind your parents to prepare a nice, juicy turkey for Thanksgiving with no ham for substitutions.)

When the extraordinary filmmaker Spike Lee said “Do the Right Thing”, he was not just talking about making one of my favorite hit movies (which is good if people really like the movie and the actors, producers, and investors make a lot of money) but of the moral dilemmas we are faced with and the choices we make in our daily lives every day.

“Do the Right
Thing is a great film, a movie

“teeming with life, ablaze with sunny colors (mainly brilliant reds, oranges and yellows), pulsating with music, and charged with unresolved tensions and contradictions that gradually accumulate in the sweltering air. A variegated assortment of Bed-Stuy personalities bump into and bounce off of one another throughout the day, their myriad frictional encounters and moral dilemmas punctuated with potent bursts of humor.”

Today, the town of Munster can boast a community spirit of pride and not some spiral sliced and honey glazed “No School” sentiment that could never replace the true meaning of Thanksgiving: Turkey for All.

What a relief, this news, and just in time. This place is getting a little chilly and it's time for me to head back to California where the striking writers need all the support they can get, since 30 Rock and Colbert Report reruns start to get old after a while.



Friday, November 16, 2007

NOSCHOOLGATE: Day 3...No Signs of "Happy Thanksgiving"


Last Night, I Had a Bad Dream


Wednesday, November 14, 2007

NOSCHOOLGATE: "No School" Middle School Greeting Dogs Thanksgiving


Munster, IN The leaves are turning and it sure is an Indian Summer around here in the leafy Midwestern hamlet of Munster. All of the kids and parents have been so warm and friendly --- like sharing cookies and Red Bull and Pollack jokes while assisting with my pup-tent as I stake out the scene; very different from 2Truthy’s neighborhood where asking for a ride around the Country Club on your neighbor’s golf cart elicits some very strange reactions, like calling the police. Now for today's exclusive NOSCHOOLGATE update.
After the jump…….
Glad that trampoline was there…

Anyway, here at my reporting outpost or what the locals are calling “Camp Quincy”, we have laid in wait all day with no success in smoking out the principal. It is now the end of the day and first of all, the big news is that the “No School” greeting is still on the Wilbur Wright Middle School kiosk. But guess what?

FOX NEWS is investigating the story and the word on the street (that’s code for I heard this second hand) is that there were TWO other middle schools in Munster who ALSO did not have “Happy Thanksgiving” greetings on their kiosk, too, but one of them just changed theirs! That leaves Wilbur Wright and Elliot holding the bag... Could this be some kind of a sign? Well, this tells us that if Wilbur Wright Middle School doesn’t change its sign soon before Elliot does, the last one in is a rotten egg, Mr. Principal ...

Alert: I just saw a slightly heavyset black woman climb out of a chauffer driven limousine across the street. Could it be Oprah?
Nobody else is getting out – and there is no camera crew in tow, either. Hmph. We’ll have to see if this is just some parent picking up a student in detention or the principal’s wife or special friend arriving to pick him up and dodge the paparazzi...

One of the tweens, Curtis, who has been hanging around my tent today was very philosophical and reminded me of Kahil Gibran. Curtis was wondering what the real reason was for not having a “Happy Thanksgiving” greeting in front of a school that demands you be there all day long, sit still, not talk, don’t chew gum, refrain from obscenities, tell the truth, turn your homework in on time, don’t be late, don’t namecall, raise your hand, bring your teachers apples and L’Air du Temps for holidays and special grades, and for what?” He said. “This is the thanks we get?”

But the best thing Curtis said was this:

“We don’t need no stinkin’ sign to tell us when there’s no school. Do they think we’re stupid? Since when do you have to have it in big letters “No School” to know when there’s no school? That’s the same thing as thinking somebody doesn’t know when their birthday is unless you put it up in big letters. Besides, all kids like Thanksgiving.”

Ok, so now we just have to wait and see what the principal's next move will be. And hope it doesn’t rain tomorrow. But if it does, Curtis has offered to let me use his mother’s car in exchange for a six-pack and a few rolls of quarters so he and his friends can have fun playing video games at the Southlake Mall tomorrow night.

Stay tuned,


Indiana School Forbids "Happy Thanksgiving" Greeting on Kiosk

The Year They Stole Thanksgiving in Munster

Munster, IN Are Pigs the new Turkeys?

You will not believe this, but there is school principal who just doesn’t want to say “Happy Thanksgiving” during a time of the year when it is, well, Thanksgiving time. What’s even worse is the looming threat that turkey’s have fallen out of favor as the featured platter guest of choice and that HAM – yes, HAM –is quietly becoming the chosen, other white meat to commemorate the annual feast.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I can say that I’m with the populists on this one when I say that I much prefer turkey to ham for Thanksgiving and if ever there were a reason to be afraid…to be very, very afraid, the time is now.

I am at SFO right now, live blogging, awaiting the next flight to Chicago to route out all the details. I even postponed my Writers Strike protest trip to LA this week to march with Victor de Jesus to investigate the principal’s suspicious dealings in the upscale, Midwestern town of Munster, Indiana.

What we know so far is that the threat alert has been elevated from pink to “RED” today after the principal has yet to announce “Happy Thanksgiving” on the kiosk of the Wilbur Wright Middle School, despite questions raised by concerned children and parents over the past 72 hours. In an email sent to the principal earlier this week, here is what one completely horrified parent had to say:

Dear Mr. Principal,

Perhaps the reason is as simple as “we ran out of letters.” If so, may I volunteer a check to cover the cost of additional letters? If not, may I then ask why it is that in announcing an important holiday such as “Thanksgiving” on the WWMS outdoor kiosk, absolutely no mention is given for the reason that there will be “No School” on the 22nd and the 23rd of November?We live in strange times. It is an era wherein the mention of “Christmas” or “Easter” becomes an offensive provocation.

My intention is not to annoy, but to bring just a small, innocent sense of joy to our busy lives. If I see “NO SCHOOL” on the kiosk in the mornings, I feel nothing. If I see “Have a Happy Thanksgiving” I feel, if only for a moment, uplifted.


School Parent

Right now in the town of Munster, we don’t know what the outcome of this unprecedented, flagrant act of oppression and bondage will bring but one thing we can be sure of is that “Happy Thanksgiving” enthusiasts all across the country don’t want to be greeted with “No School” when they show up to grandmother’s place with a vintage Riesling and a stollen in hand.

See, watch this: if during this season I say “No School Everybody” , it’s not the same thing. So

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody,


Wednesday, November 7, 2007

TomTom Club: God-Allah Inc. Endorse GPS Navigation System

How Many Miles to Heaven?

When was the last time you asked God or Allah for directions? Did they tell you to “get lost”?

With a TomTom GPS Navigation System, the sky’s the limit. Break speed, break wind, see if we care.

…because the journey is the reward and when the board of directors of God-Allah Inc. (photo above courtesy Chicago's own Michigan Avenue "Mel" Toast) tell you to submit to one of these fucking things, JUST DO IT.

-TomTom GPS Navigation Systems-
don't leave Rome without it.


Friday, November 2, 2007

Dems say OOGABOOGA is Sw^iss C**e#e but OOGABOOGA says it’s SMELLY

Something Cheesy About OOGABOOGA

It’s the C^#ese. Clever accounting practices from the OOGABOOGA involve double-counting officials who hold one job but were appointed to fill another job as well. In fact, the OOGABOOGA has so many vacancies (like over 113) at the highest levels that the department has been likened to a large block of S@iss C#$ese. Read more HERE.

Rudderless ship in a hamster wheel?