Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day

“Love makes the world go ‘round, and if you’re in a hole, keep digging to bury white collar jobs for your middle class in.”
-Obama’s Tech Czar-

Bush Bails Out Bankers, Obama Bails Out Ditchdiggers: America’s White Collar Middle Class Prepares to “Get Over Itself”, Get "Shovel Ready"

Stimulus Bill Update: “What” middle class? I see that all those bank and hedge fund executive level jobs are already taken, but there are shovel ready jobs, galore for all those pink-slipped white collar professionals. Slam dunk for tech lobby, financial elites, and “shovel ready” laborers, disaster for America's middle class. Below is a breakdown by subcommittee which of course, omits pesky details so don’t worry - it’s a quick read.


FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Mathematicians Discover the Largest Integer So Far...

(Reprint in entirety below/Special thanks to commenter “Gary” and Elaine Meinel Supkis at Culture of Life News)

PALO ALTO, CA - An international mathematics research team announced today that they had discovered a new integer that surpasses any previously known value “by a totally mindblowing shitload.” Project director Yujin Xiao of Stanford University said the theoretical number, dubbed a “stimulus,” could lead to breakthroughs in fields as diverse as astrophysics, quantum mechanics, and Chicago asphalt contracting.

“Unlike previous large numbers like the Googleplex or the Bazillionty, the Stimulus has no static numerical definition,” said Xiao. “It keeps growing and growing, compounding factorially, eating up all zeros in its path. It moves freely across Cartesian dimensions and has the power to make any other number irrational.”

Jean-Luc Brossard, a researcher with the European consortium CERN, said the number is so staggeringly large that it is difficult for even mathematicians to grasp, let alone lay people.

“The number itself is incomprehensible by human minds, and can only be theoretically understood in a fractional parallel universe which we refer to as the DC dimension,” said Brossard. “The best way to understand a stimulus is to imagine a dollar sign followed by a packed string of hexidecimal nanodigits, wound into a triple helix, woven into a dodecahedron, and stacked on top of one another. Now imagine you were a black hole on the far edge of the universe, trying to escape the stimulus at 30 times the speed of light. The stimulus would still catch up to you and ram your black hole with such furious, repeated force that it would cause your entire reality itself to collapse.”

Xiao said the team discovered the number with the help of an international network of 24 nitrogen-cooled Cray Ultracluster supercomputers, the CERN particle accelerator, and “three pounds of Humboldt County Chronic.”

“The exciting news is that with more powerful computers and drugs, we believe we are on the verge of discovering an even larger number, which we refer to as a ’stimulusconferencebill,’” said Xiao. “Speaker Pelosi has already promised us the funding.”

Comment by Gary — February 13, 2009 #

-2Truthy

3 comments:

Melvin Toast said...

Is this YOURS 2T? Great stuff!!

Father Tyme said...

Ya know, 2T, that really,like, you know, almost sounds like sardonic sarcasm ta me!
But just wait til it comes in contact with the Black Hole the Right-Hand Spin Extra-fear-estrials on Wall Street will come up with!
Can the black hole suck faster than the "stimulus" number can increase? A Paradox (and I don't mean two PhDs)

nyuk nyuk!

2Truthy said...

"A Paradox (and I don't mean two PhDs)" FT

Indeed!:)