Thursday, November 26, 2009

Martha Stewart has Sarah Palin for Dinner


Happy Thanksgiving, Everybody!

Hello Everybody, it's me,


I'm finally back now from my unexpectedly lengthy, undercover furlough investigating the culprits behind the Swine Flu pandemic, after becoming embroiled in the political controversy surrounding it. Many of the SWINE FLUERS insisted that I withhold my research for fear  that lady, Orly Taitz would start following me around and try to get me to sign a joint book deal entitled “UNNATURAL BORN PIGS AT THE TROUGH” to expose everybody in Russian and Chinese lab coats to the White House, where President Obama had to shell out $2M to get her off his back about where he was born.

The persistent questions Barack keeps receiving about the true whereabouts of his birth are really getting annoying to him. That would be like me going into my favorite chorizo place in Redwood City and asking the owner, server and dishwasher, Pepe, to show me his visa every time I went in there. And I go there a lot.

Anyway, this is the time of year when everybody gets a little nervous about who's inviting them to dinner, and for what.

What's so exciting this Thanksgiving is that the nation's favorite insider stock tip criminal and diva of delectable dishings, Martha Stewart, served up a skewered Sarah Palin on a silver platter of roasted foibles. When asked why people think Sarah Palin is so polarizing to people, Martha spared no cleavers:

She's a dangerous person, she's very boring (when) she speaks, she's so confused...anyone in government like that is a REAL PROBLEM.”

Well, ok. Martha's right! The most dangerous thing about a politician is that when they're boring, nobody even wants to listen to them. Of the two of them, which one do you think has more Native American ancestry? It doesn't matter. Even if Martha IS Polish, she pulls off the whole “Mayflower Madame” thing a whole lot better than Sarah Palin, so that' s why I think she is so polar-bear-ized.

Martha ALSO said everybody should give back with services and money or with “guidance” and that's why I am writing her a letter to thank her for giving back to us with this delightful Palin dish on this Thanksgiving Day. I'm not sending her any money, since her well-greased stock tip turkey baster is going to be filled to the brim once this cap and trade bill gets passed.

Today, I am also pondering the parable of the wolf and the hawk, which is very important to me since I just found out that I am one forty second Cherokee! This really has me hoping that I will resolve my issues over whether or not it is ethically suitable to eat vegetables that have been cooked in clay pots next to the other white meat.

Well, make sure to celebrate your Native American roots, even if you don't have any because that's what this day is supposed to be all about and for giving thanks for being able eat as much as you can without being hauled off to the hospital in an ambulance for porking up like that guy in LIFE OF BRIAN.

Happy Thanksgiving!


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