Saturday, May 9, 2009

World Health Organization (WHO) Declares Swine Flu NOT “Swine's" Flu


Farmers Fear Pigs May Get 'Swine' Flu from People

Hello Everybody, It’s Me.


Yay! The World Health Organization (WHO) on Thursday officially declared it would stop calling the new strain of flu "swine flu," because no Pigs in any country have been determined to have the illness and the origination of the strain has not been determined. This exciting, new report exonerates all swine everywhere, blowing the stink off of this senseless attempt to smear the world's smartest four-legged species.

Only before you read the rest, go to your partners and other s.o.’s and shout from the rooftops: “Pigs Don’t Kill People. PEOPLE KILL PIGS!” Don’t think about it. JUST DO IT…

Anyway, Kansas rocks! Championing the cause for porcine equality and justice in my unofficial Pigs for Peace Movement (that so far, George Clooney has yet to provide a celebrity endorsement) is a Pig Farmer in Kansas, Mr. Ron Suther. Unlike those slaughtering Egyptians in Cairo who committed mass swinocide by waging a jihad on hundreds of thousands of innocent Pigs, Farmer Ken is even banning visitors from his sow barns and is making the maintenance workers, delivery men and other strangers report on recent travels and any illness before they step one foot on his property. National Pork Producers chief veterinarian Jennifer Greiner rallied around our cause by making sure that U.S. pork producers are doing everything they can to make sure that the new H1N1 virus, known around the world as the "swine flu," stays out of their herds:

"There is no evidence of this new strain being in our pig populations in the United States. And our concern very much is we don't want a sick human to come into our barns and transmit this new virus to our pigs," said National Pork Producers chief veterinarian Jennifer Greiner.
"If humans give it to pigs, we don't have things like Tamiflu for pigs. We don't have antivirals. We have no treatment other than to give them aspirin," said Greiner.”

Some of you may remember my conversion to Islam last year here. But after the Muslims in Cairo launched their jihad on hundreds of thousands of defenseless, Egyptian Pigs, I pulled out my prayer rug, got down on my knees and wailed “Why, Allah, why? How could you allow this mass swinocide? Give us an apology, some kind of a sign by appointing a new Prophet – not Barack, since he refuses to veto the pork while prefering to cling to the Iberian ham…maybe somebody from Kansas -- who will redeem our faith once again in your divine mercy.” And do you know what? Allah DID by delivering us Farmer Ken.

One thing suspicious is that farmers were warned by some industry wonks and other veterinarians to

“step up their biosafety protocols, keeping pigs in barns behind security fences with access by any outsiders extremely limited.”

Uh-oh. (Could they be talking about a stealth ‘Gitmo’ for Pigs?)

“Behind security fences”? “Access to outsiders”? Hmph. I’d better call up Mr. David Sirota who just wrote about Pigs here but didn’t name any names and compare notes. Maybe he will courageously face off with me on Blogging Heads TV in a porcine game of one-swinemanship called NAME THAT PIG. (Want to bet on who’ll win, everybody?) Anyway, Mr. David Sirota also said that “Pigs are supposed to be the smartest animal” and do you know what? He’s right. (Maybe we can get him instead of George Clooney to endorse our movement.)

Although my Pigs for Peace Movement (recently delivered a blow) is woefully underfunded just like the FDA, you can send an email to 2Truthy with your PayPal or credit card number in support of lodging/travel, food, entertainment and gambling expenses along with the occasional hush money necessary to conduct this undercover stealth mission into smoking out who’s behind this diabolical One World Plan to extink the Pig from our planet.

Have a nice weekend everybody,



will barrow said...

Swine flu smear foiled! Plot smolders like Canadian bacon on an old George Foreman grill.

It's delightful to taste sweet victory not in the form of a ham sandwich.

QUINCY said...

Mr. will barrow,

What does it take for a Pig to get a spot on Oprah?

Sara said...

All I know is I'm sick with something, right now.

Swine flu? Sure, why not.

"Flu which we can thank feedlots and poor practices for"? Sure, that works, too.

'Smithfield's Best' would also work for me.

I thought the origination of the strain HAD been determined, a week ago at least. Genes from three species: pigs, humans, and birds. Okay, let's compromise and call it the 3 Critters Flu. At least acknowledge the different genes involved.

This kowtowing to the meat/feedlot lobby is really pissing me the hell off.

2Truthy said...

"This kowtowing to the meat/feedlot lobby is really pissing me the hell off."

Hi Sara,

I hope you are really not sick with actual flu but only sick of the media version;) if so, do take care and get well wishes from moi.

Yep. And I also thought the origination of the strain had been discovered, yet now this latest back peddling. What to make of it?

Interesting that you mentioned Smithfield Farms, who are notorious for their mass production/slaughter/mistreatment of pigs. These animals are overbred in overcrowded conditions that breed diseases and their excrement isn't ferlizer but more like toxic waste from all of the drugs they pump them with that runs off into our rivers and lakes and pollutes them.

Let's see here...there's
Big AG,
Big Cow,
Big Pig,
and Big Chicken.

And what's the recent news about a vaccine being developed for everyone around the world to prevent swine flu (or not swine flu) pandemic next year?

Better add Big Pharma to the above list for that one (although they do have a profitable role in Big Chicken and Big Pig and Big Cow.)