Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Suspended Vatican Priest Has List Of Gay Colleagues


Holy See, Batman! Quincy’s Exclusive Report From The Curia, Vatican City, Rome

Quincy, the savant journalist formerly from North Carolina, has confirmed early this morning that a monsignor identified during an undercover teevee broadcast who allegedly had his “gaydar going off all over the place while the cameras were rolling only he didn’t even KNOW about it” did indeed make overtures to some guy he chatted with on the Italian internet and to whom he insisted “gay sex was not sinful.”

Quincy has now learned that the not-supposed-to-be-gay gay Vatican monsignor, Thomasso Stenico -- whose job was to act as enforcer of proper, priestly service --- now says that he knows “a whole bunch of other gay priests who he doesn’t want to have to sqeal on.” Facing the distinct possibility of not making Bishop over this not so holy look and see, the pair has nonetheless become good friends during the scandal, prompting Quincy’s expression of deep concern for the monsignor, carefully noting

“Tommy is visibly distraught over the threat of becoming defrocked – which, in laymen’s terms, is serious Italian hankycode for “losing your shirt for good around here.”

Quincy reports that Tommy got sick and tired of the unfair interviewer lady asking him if “it is a sin to be gay” over and over again so many times that he basically kicked her sneaky ass out of the Curia as he “showed her the lift.”

Quincy’s skyclad attempt to gain access to the exclusive and extensive Italian gay priest list has had the pair sporting around Rome all day in a leased, 1961 black De Soto which Quincy briskly says is “just like driving the Batmobile.” Well into the evening, the two have reportedly spared no expense as they wined and dined at Il Pastorello on the Vatican expense account.

Although it is evening in Rome and Quincy is no longer answering his iPhone, stealth, live videocam sources reveal that the monsignor and Quincy are now zooming into Milan to shop around for some scalped Armani sport jackets and if time permits, a drive over to the Pirelli’s majestic villa for a nightcap and to pick up a tire for the one that blew out on the De Soto.

In keeping with the Law of Threefold Return and in a move not unlike returning the head of Bobafet, Quincy vows that his expressed mission is to

“secure the gay priest list and return it safely to the Pope before the Associated Press “get their sticky neopagan fingers on it.”

In a brief meeting with the Pope, Quincy reveals that he deflected the entire question of whether Tommy should get his old job back since it was unfair that he was being filmed when he didn’t think he was:

“Pope, Father Sir, Just because Tommy is gay but not supposed to be in order for him to get to be Bishop is no reason to give him the sack”, implored Quincy.

When asked what Quincy would be going as for Halloween upon his return home to San Francisco, he hinted

“I’m not sure yet, but after meeting with the Pope, I’m thinking about going as Jesus, or maybe Larry Craig’s loafer.”

Ciao bella, Everybody!


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Great story! Who in their right mind would believe that anyone (holy or otherwise) would even go out with a fictitious pig!