Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Gay Swami Times Halloween Special Issue

(click on photo to enlarge) 

The Gay Swami's Scariest Halloween Masks Ever!


Welcome back to the Gay Swami Times Vol. 1 Issue 10. Click here for previous issues. This time, we did all the work ourselves since most of our outsourcing contacts are all either in jail or busy auditioning for dreamy Steven Spielberg's upcoming movie "Throw Grandma in the Ganges” to return our phone calls.

Our exclusive FIRST Halloween commemorative issue begins with a holy meditation on our abundance and steely (as in “Manhole cover”) craftiness, as we reflect upon how a brahmin should earn his livelihood. Sweet nirvana!

Lord Brahma said to Narad:

"Alms, which a brahmin gets without making any demand for it is called Vritta. 'Unchhavritti' is even better than Vritti, and it means collecting food grains which are scattered in places like fields, granaries, the market-place, etc.” 
The Gay Swami said:

Skip the Cheerios and Bombay Gin, we are taking over America! October 31st is a heavenly time for us in America, for we celebrate our divine skills of stealing US jobs AND candy from their children! It is sooooo spooky for Americans, where we TRICK them into TREATING our most holy people into sacrificing with their jobs, cars, houses and money. Candy, too! This practice, more commonly known as “Mother Bhumi” is the essence of the element earth. It is also called “Dhra” meaning 'that which holds everything'. Just like your candy bags, kids!” Or call it anything else you want - we just make it up as we go along...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

-Select from the "Ship of the Desert" Halloween Mask Collection Now!-

  • Johnny "Do me like a Slumdog" Chambers
  • Billy "Ride me like a Dromedary" Gates  OR be a DOCTOR (in PRISON):
  • Dr. Byrraju "The Rajah of Roger" Ramalinga Raju (The Scam of Satyam)
  • Naked Hillary "Does Tata" Clinton Costume from the Limited "Friendly Competition" Line
  • Your Own "Living Dead" face!

-Bribe the Kids

  • Give them Gummy Worms IN EXCHANGE for THEIR DADS' JOBS!!!!!!!
  • Offer Reeses Pieces AFTER they give you 2,000 rupees 

-How to Steal Candy from Trick-or-Treaters so You'll Have More!

  • Re-wrap your Starburst Fruit Chews with old raisins, give THEM out!
  • Pretend to GIVE candy in their bags, then TAKE theirs!!

Trick or Treat! Hahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!


1 comment:

thetownliar said...

"Bribe the Kids"? Some of your best stuff.