Friday, May 9, 2008

"Mommy, Why is the Car Wasted?"

“Mommy, Why is the Car Wasted?”

First it was Daddy…

Nissan has turned into an old nag with a new gadget that will tell you to lay off the sauce once you turn on the car! It has “upped the ante” by upgrading their car-navigation system with a scolding voice warning you not to drive under the influence of alcohol – after 5:30. (Is that am or pm?)

But don’t worry, all you mixed-up, muffled up, carefree lushes, because now your car can get plastered for you!

E-Fuel has rolled out the "world's first home ethanol product." It's a personal refinery system that hooks up to a water source, a power source, and a waste water disposal outlet, just like a washing machine! Hear that, Moms?

Just in time for Mothers Day, make her the toast of the town by ordering an E-Fuel 100 MicroFueler today! It only costs $9,995, but remember, there may be carbon tax credits on the state and federal level to subsidize the price. Yay!

Want one? Not so fast. First, you will need a federal license to produce alcohol (of which ethanol fuel is a form) which implies you either need to actually grow your own corn or are going to have to make several trips to Iowa in your pick-up truck to raid the local fields because, as demand soars, WHOLE FOODS will be rationing their ears of corn on a onesy-twosey basis. So how many stalks of corn does it take to produce an average, Volvo-sized tank of fuel? You guessed it: A SHITLOAD.

The good news is that apparently, the government isn't picky about handing out federal licenses to any Joe Sixpack and the approval process takes only “a matter of weeks.” Only a matter of weeks? I guess the Bush Administration, really, really does want to see everybody spend those tax rebate checks quickly. Well, if making moonshine for people got the masses through the Great Depression, what’s so wrong about wanting to help a few hundred million cars “take the edge off” this tanking economy on the race to the bottom while a few billion people are projected to starve?

Cross-posted at BlondeSense


Citizen Carrie said...

From E-Fuel founder and CEO Thomas Quinn:

"I'm from Silicon Valley.......A couple years ago, I sensed this paradigm shift...."

Do people in Silicon Valley really talk this way? If I was ever drafted as a scriptwriter, and I had my fictional Silicon Valley character talk about "paradigm shifts", I'd be afraid I'd be laughed out of Hollywood for using such a hackneyed phrase.

2Truthy said...

They DO!

The IQ (Insufferability Quotient)tm, 2Truthy -- out here is something I write about. It is astounding, and I thought we were all but through with it after Geoff Moore(that's pronounced "Jeff", only with a "G") pulled off a marketing coup with his one hit wonder, "Crossing the Chasm" that deciphered just about everything under the sun about nothing until his next best seller, "Inside the Tornado" that blew through town with even MORE nothingness! And you thought "Seinfeld" was about nothing, I mean, this guy takes the cake.

Now, this E-Fuel guy, Quinn, takes us on a journey of the "paradigm shift" and all I can say is that somehow, Government has to set the standard and force the hand of technology companies to set the bar for new energy solutions.

If only I had a dollar for every time I have heard the term "paradigm shift" uttered out here, well, I'd have more of them than I do today!