Who Won the Debate?

The blogosphere is buzzing with analysis and commentaries over who the REAL winner was after last night's pre-presidential debate held at Hofstra University. Esteemed economic guru to the Stars, The Dark Wraith Gets it and Gets it Right (on Free Trade, Anyway) on citing Obama's superior foreign trade policy assessment. Obama defended his superior position:

"I believe in free trade. But I also believe that for far too long, certainly during the course of the Bush administration with the support of Sen. McCain, the attitude has been that any trade agreement is a good trade agreement. And NAFTA doesn't have -- did not have enforceable labor agreements and environmental agreements. And what I said was we should include those and make them enforceable, in the same way that we should enforce rules against China manipulating its currency to make our exports more expensive and their exports to us cheaper..."

We've decided, too. Here are the highlights:

• Healthcare: Neither John McCain or Barack Obama offer Single Payer insurance, which means that as long as jobs continue to be outsourced and wages plummet and people won't have money to pay for health insurance premiums anyway, they'll soon be forced to making budgetary "sacrifices" on all kinds of indulgences like eating melamine infused cans of Purina cat chow, routine colonoscopies, or skipping their weekly bowling nights out. Who won? Barry, only because he says he'll provide insurance for the uninsured with pre-exisiting conditions. We thought we saw his nose growing...)
  
• Roe v. Wade: In McCain's mixed up, muffled up, shook up, PTSD world, Women don't get to keep their reproductive rights to themselves and everybody better hide the coat hangers, because if this bitch wins, he'll make sure that SCOTUS will be in your SCROTUS, or, ehm, the female equivalent thereof. Who won? Barry.
• Tax Cuts: McCain, true to the old GOP "soak those suckers" rule, wants to stick it to the non-portfolio class (Joe Wage Slave) while Obama wants to only tax people in the $250K and north club. Who the hell won? Barry, like $250K times over!
• Bill Ayers: Shesh, just because he bombed the Pentagon and championed pro-Palestinian rights causes... Not everyone gets to associate with smart guys and besides, he's not the candidate. Who won? Barry.
  
• No Child Left Behind/School Vouchers: If you don't have to go to D.C. public schools, you dodged a bullet. Who won? Barry.
  
• Iraq/Iran/Afghanistan. Funny, that never came up. Who won? Barry.
  
• Who Looked More like a Lawyer Defending Himself Against John McCain? Barry.
• Who Had Beadier Eyes? John McCain.
• Who Would You Not Even Trust to Park Your Car? John McCain.
• Whose Hair Had So Much Hairspray it Looked like a Helmut? Katie Couric.
• Whose Post-Debate Analysis Revealed Nada and Whose Hair ALSO looked like a Helmut? Dee-Dee Myers.

Who really should be the next POTUS? Ralph Nader.

-2Truthy