Times Square Bombing Attempt has South Park Creators Fearing for Their Lives: A Mel Toast Exclusive

A Mel Toast South Park Exclusive

After Bombing Attempt, South Park Creators Fear for Their Cars Lives

NEW YORK (Reuters) – “They are hiding in an undisclosed location; the poor things have been sobbing like little girls for days!” said a worried Ann Rasco, publicist for the South Park creators, Trey Parker and Matt Stone during an exclusive interview this afternoon at a hotel in lower Manhattan.

No longer the haughty mavens of biting social satire, Trey and Stone, were more like quivering like little kittens when I spoke with them earlier today. They fear for their very lives—and for the close call to their pair of gold, Lamborghini Gallardos, which were parked just outside the Viacom corporate offices in Times Square where the failed bombing attempt took place last week.

Viacom is the parent company of Comedy Central, the network that carries South Park and has broadcast the episodes that have apparently offended Muslims worldwide.

“We didn’t mean any harm,” pleaded Parker. “Crap! Why are these guys after us? We have done more to bring down a free society in America and Western civilization in general with our vapid, vulgar, nihilistic South Park episodes than anyone!” Parker continued.

Co-creator Stone added, “Yeah! We hate all this freedom stuff just about as much as any fascistic, totalitarian adherent to that medieval abomination called Islam does!” Adding, “Man, we’re on your side! Chill out!”

Neither Viacom nor Comedy Central officials had any comment on the fate of their wunderkind, Parker and Stone. But Jon Stewart, another stalwart of Comedy Central and host of The Daily Show, offered his insights by noting, “Hey, I like you Muslim people. Really. I think you’re pretty funny. Burnoose! What a great word. But please, just let me keep hammering away at all those nasty, rich, white, right wing corporate Christians for you. Don’t hurt me. Please.”

When asked why a Jew would support Muslims who seek to kill his people as well as Christians, Stewart added, “Hey, Jews are used to this kind of sh*t. And besides, business is business. These guys provide me with great material. But really, their production values on those beheading videos do need work. I wish they’d call me. I can work a deal.”

Cordially,

Mel Toast