Saturday, April 21, 2007




Hello Alec,

I just want to say first of all that just because it is the Year of the Pig, I think you went a little overboard when you called your daughter one on the phone last week and I am writing to help you create a Silk Purse out of this Sow's Ear of a phone message

First of all Alec, I, Quincy, am a Pig. A REAL one.

That’s right. If you’ll take one look at my pppicture above, you will see me and have no doubt whatsoever that I am just that: an actual Pig, just like Wilbur, or Max Clooney (R.I.P). But when I read in the news that you called Ireland a Pig, well, I knew that there wasn't any other explanation but that you were very confused. But WHY, Alec, why didn’t you know that your daughter wasn’t a Pig when you called her one on the phone last week?

I’ll tell you why. You called Ireland a "little" Pig and when you did, you were right that: she IS little. She’s not tall or anything, plus she is only eleven years old, so that makes her little. Period. So you were right to call her little but THEN when you said she was a Pig --- well, you were just SO ANGRY that you couldn’t even THINK straight enough to even remember that she is a girl and NOT a Pig and people CAN’T even give birth to pigs, not even if they tried!!! Not possible. Not ever.
Anyway, you forgot all about THAT and were confused and do you know what else? You can say “I’m sorry” forever until the cows come home (that really does take a long time, let me tell you) OR your can get back on that phone (but don’t tell the judge or her mother) and tell Ireland exactly what I just said so she understands what really happened because her mom, I think, is telling her that you were not confused and really DID believe she was a Pig, even when you and I both know better.

There. I feel so much better knowing that Citizen Quincy helped straighten out you’re
a** on how the forces of the Year of the Pig can help you create a Silk Purse out of this Sow's Ear of a phone message.

Your pal,


1 comment:

alec baldwin said...

Yo! Quincy!!

You'll never know how much your advice helped patch things up between my daughter and myself and I just want to say "Thank you, sir."

When the chips were down, you were there for me. When Hollywood's fu***ng '"A" list bailed on me, I could always--ALWAYS know that you would be there to kick my ass, but in a nice way. I don't know where you learned how to be such a great psychologist, but I have fired mine since you know how to make people see the light.

So move over, Dr. Phil!

You know what I'm gonna do for you, Quincy? I'm gonna call Les Moonves and see what he can do to get you your own show where you can help millions of other poor SOB's figure out what the hell they too, can do to clean up their act.

Catch you later Bro,