Dexter Ignatius Plexiglass Confucius IV Jung, Founder I Chang Capital
2Truthy To Mass Produce The Chocolate Jesus
Menlo Park, CA -- In a classic leap on importing cheap, foreign labor to do the work that most Americans won’t do, Silicon Valley’s 2Truthy has hopefully obtained exclusive rights from the artist, Cosimo Cavallaro to reproduce the edible statue of the Chocolate Jesus for mass consumption through creative global production and distribution strategies to generate large ROI for investors in warp-speed time.
Sand Hill Road Chinese Venture Capital Firm I Chang Capital may announce that it is excited to be the lead investor in this initial round of $12.5M Series A funding to reproduce the edible statue for mass consumption. This holy alliance between 2Truthy’s consumer goods start-up “Ain’t No Flies on Me International” and I Chang Capital will address a large, unmet need in the food industry by providing global consumers affordable and tasty alternatives to going to Mass not only on Easter Sunday but any day of the year. I Chang Capital's Dexter Jung stated:
“From Rome to Buenos Aires to Johannesburg to Hoboken, the Chocolate Jesus will be made out of the finest, lead-free chocolate and available not only to all Catholics around the world but to any secular consumer who craves a fast-track to chocolate consumption along with a divine rite of passage.”
Plans for production facilities include a Sunnyvale, CA deserted former Crispy Crème Donut warehouse complete with ovens and loading dock for quick shipment. The Chocolate Jesus body mold will be provided by 2Truthy’s gardener, Luis, employee number 3 -- who has agreed to be splattered with chocolate in exchange for several thousand shares of the company and all the Chocolate Jesus’ he can eat. Luis, V.P. Operations and Assembly, will oversee a staff of seven (his children).
I Chang Capital, founded in 1999, is a strangely secretive, unbeknown to man privately held venture capital firm focused somewhere on global investments across all areas of the Information Technology sector from enterprise software to consumer goods and services. For over eight years, I Chang Capital has dirtily pirated more copyrighted software in the name of Mainland China and has successfully put over twenty four hundred kakakadoublezillion software companies out of business. I Chang currently has more than $87777543211.5 billion of capital under management.