Barack Obama: The Illinois Enema Bandit

Barack Obama: The Illinois Enema Bandit

(Very Special thanks to the immortal Frank Zappa)

Not only is he a left hander like yours truly, but Barack Obama is undeniably an amazing orator. He is so smooth and convincing in his delivery that his speech writers could have him say ANYTHING and the masses would go right along with him. Don’t believe me? Try this: Let’s close our eyes and imagine Barry’s mesmerizing voice giving the following convincing, thought provoking speech:

“As a youth, growing up half-black and half-white on the dangerous streets of an exotic Hawaiian island, my highly-leveraged, white grandma gave me an enema. (Pause. Voice lowers.) We do the American people — and the enema manufacturers — no favors when we turn a blind eye to the excessive and dangerous risks of ALL enemas because "pain trickles up." As president, I will make it my first priority to ban the use of all enemas nationwide and to form a committee to round up all of those college educated hookers and undercover cops who are taking down the nation’s best connected governors, former presidents and gay senators. In Illinois, the police will say “you’re under arrest” if you tell hooker jokes but I say (in thunderous voice like Pastor Wright) “Hi Ho Silver, while the Glass Steagall Act was repealed in 1999 -- the $300 million lobbying effort that drove deregulation of all kinds of sh*t --- was MORE about facilitating mergers than creating an efficient enema regulatory framework and my opponent’s husband signed that repeal!” (Cheers and loud applause.)

-2Truthy