Tuesday, November 11, 2008

We're (not) #1! Mel Toast Rants and Raves

Click on above chart to enlarge

A Mel Toast World Exclusive
A Point-by-Point Discussion (please refer to above chart)

Life Expectancy

OK. Go live in Andorra. I kind of like living where I'm living. And just because a few million African Americans and white trailer trash prefer Cheetos and Cocoa Puffs in the morning is no reason to believe that the rest of us won't live to a ripe old age, God willing.


OK. Go live in Sweden. Where the muslims control local governing councils and The Public Dole is what attracts them all. The SMR (Muslim Council of Sweden) is in league with the Swedish Social Democratic Party to institute Sharia law in Sweden. Note that while the Swedes may have established their own little socialist paradise for 9 million people, 500,000 of them are muslims who want no part of Swedish history, religion, culture or liberalism.

Freedom of the Press

This is just completely ludicrous! This begs the question, what genius has established this official list? If there is freedom of the press in any nation it would have to be in Denmark where the Danes fearlessly published the Mohammad cartoons when the acclaimed New York Times and Washington Post refused for fear of retribution. Iceland? Please! The nation is bankrupt for the love of God. OK, they've got hot springs. And good-looking women. I will say that much for them.

Internet Speed

OK, so you can't wait an extra 3 seconds to download pictures of young Russian women having sex with a burro? Then go to Japan, and enjoy your 14-dollar Big Mac and 4-million dollar, 50-square-foot condo.

Smallest Prison Population

All the criminals in India are either living in the streets, or processing visas to come to America to open up a Dunkin' Donuts. Is this a surprise? And what . . . this makes India MORE attractive? Statistically, with over a billion people, there should be a hell of a lot more of them fighting over a cockroach in the Black Hole of Calcutta.

Lack of Corruption

I agree I would like to see a lot less corruption than I presently see in America. But I am not ready to move to a country where boys and girls consider getting (and wearing) a shiv (puukko), a great honor. Not to mention their high incidence of alcoholism, spouse abuse (meaning wife-beating) and suicide. But go to Finland if you like, and leave your U.S. Social Security check with the U.S. Treasury when you retire.

Effectiveness of Education

Taiwan made most of the toys sold by Mattel and Hasbro in the 1960s and 70s. The Finns drink and stab each other. In Hong Kong they all cheat at blackjack. In America, we have landed men on the moon. We have cured diseases and conquered natural catastrophes. And given billions in aid to thankless countries far less deserving than our own working poor.

Mobile Phones per Capita

So if the Germans want their Teutonic ears to peel off into their steaming bowls of sauerkraut, let them! I will stay in this country and talk to friends IN PERSON or from home as often as I can, and use my mobile phone only for emergencies. Americans are often accused of wastefulness, but do you realize how many electrons are wasted every time someone picks up the phone just to say "Wie geht's"?

Renewable Energy Source

I agree. By luck of their geography, Iceland is the hands-down winner in this category. No competition. Yes, if you like cheap hot baths, Reykjavík awaits you. But Brazil?? Turning the rain forests of the Amazon into a sugar farm to produce ethanol for cars? Now there's a smart move.

Scientific Literacy

I am certain the Icelanders are smart people. But how often to they hoist themselves up out of their geothermal hot pots to pick up a Nobel Prize in Chemistry or Physics or Economics from neighboring Sweden?

Quality of Healthcare

I agree. It's cheaper and easier to have your appendix out in France or Canada. But it is not always better. And San Marino?? Postage stamps. Wine. Cheese. Maybe. But I am not going to this tiny Italian enclave just to have my gallbladder removed. Healthcare is expensive in the U.S. and we need to work on getting that cost down. But it's expensive precisely because it's the best in the world.

Infant Survival Rate

Which infants? Again, pregnant moms on crystal meth and crack who feed their other 6 children cat food and cigarettes for breakfast bring this statistic down upon all of us. Cut them out of the picture and we're right up there with those clever sons and daughters from the Land of the Rising Sun.


Mel Toast

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