Dear Mister Christopher Kelly,
Today I read your review of Ocean’s Thirteen in the Star-Telegram and in the part where you said “the actors don't really play characters so much as they play exceedingly hammy versions of themselves”, well, that was not a very nice thing to say, especially since it has been barely six months since George’s beloved Max passed on.
"What kind of reviewer could be so thoughtless?" I said to myself. “What a windbag…” I thought. “...Next thing you know, he’s going to threaten to huff and puff and blow George’s house down!”
My father used to tell me “those who live by the skewer will die by the skewer” and I just can’t resist asking you if you ever even stopped to think about the innocent bystanders that you offended while you roasted – I mean absolutely SKEWERED ON A PITT – not only George Clooney but the entire cast and crew, including the director Steve Soderbergh.
Last month, I vacationed in Cabo where I had my gastric bypass operation which was a success… until I read your article this morning where you talked about how
“we start to get a little sick to our stomachs”,
well, I did. Only in a way that has had me holed up in the bathroom with my laptop and bromides for the past few hours.
“how many monuments to the glories of Clooney, Pitt, Damon, et al. can we endure before we start to get a little sick to our stomachs?”
Well let me tell you, Mister Christopher, that was just NOT very nice.
Even if you yourself don’t have George’s “million dollar smile” and your smile is only around a twenty or twenty-one dollar smile, that still does not make it right to say mean things like that when everyone is so excited about seeing the movie, like me.
Did you know that 2Truthy said that she would not take me to see Ocean’s Thirteen if George Clooney voted for Arnold Schwarzenegger? This means that I will have to rent it on DVD and then have to sneak it into the house to watch it – while 2Truthy is at her pilates class or out someplace fundraising.
How would you like it if you were prevented from seeing George and the Ocean’s cast in their new sequel? Easy for you to get to see them (I really wanted to read about how good Ellen was!) but then when you said that Ellen’s scene ended with
“Barkin humiliating herself for the audience's amusement”,
Well let me tell you, Mister Christopher, that was just NOT very nice...and that’s why I decided to get my plump little cloven hooves typing as fast as they could to saves George’s bacon after reading your review.
In the name of Max, please print a retraction and SAVE OCEAN’S THIRTEEN from smoked-butt status at the box office!
Hurray Ocean’s Thirteen!